Such a funny title...
But here goes nothing...
So, long ago I stuck my "feelers" out in the world. When I made it public that Mike and I were trying to have a baby (Emilia is here, we aren't trying now.. stop with that!!) and I wanted to make it public, so that I could find people that had this in common. It was hard, probably more frighting than going through infertility treatments... But, I did it. And here we are.
I have often felt alone in this journey. I know that there are more of us out there. But, sometimes we bond, and sometimes we don't. And then sometimes you make the bond and suddenly it's over and you are alone again. And then sometimes someone will support you, but won't support someone else doing the same thing. And you are alone again.
I put my "feelers" on paper this time, instead of out there for whoever to see. Why, am I saying this? Because, this time I feel bad about them. This time, I'm not looking for the common ground.
I know that I can be mean sometimes. I know that I come off harsh. But, I think that it is more guarded. For a long time, I didn't know what to do. There were more Dr's appointments than I had ever been too. There was more blood coming out of my body, and I wasn't sure if I was making enough to keep up. I was tired. I wanted to lay down on the couch and just stay there. I wanted to stay at home with my dogs. I just wanted to be me again.
I want to be the me without infertility. I want it to go away. (Not just for myself, but for others!!) I don't talk about it much. I try not to. But, for ANYONE reading this, what wants to talk about it... I'm here. I want to not have to take break from social media and being in contact with people, just to keep my sanity. I think people have forgotten how this whole thing changed my life. Which is great, but at the same time I am still sensitive to some things. Sometimes, I don't even know what I am sensitive to them. It isn't like I don't have this beautiful little girl running around the house! (I'll keep her!!!) So, before I get people all pissy... let me talk about that beautiful little thing.
I plan on making an 18 month update, but because I might not get to fit it all in, I will add it here.
I have heard a lot that Emilia is feisty. And I LOVE it. That is a really good way to describe her! She loves to roar, like a dinosaur, which she has been doing since her 10 month birthday. She chews on ice, I know that I did that a lot when I was younger, but I am not sure I did this young. She will NEVER pass up on a tomato, strawberry, mac and cheese, veggie straws, or Mcdees french fries (which she does NOT get a lot). She will sometimes hold her finger up and say 1. "If you're happy and you know," "Patty Cake," "Peekaboo," and giving lovings to the dogs are her favorite games. She also likes to clap her hands for "yay!" dance (The Backstreet Boys and Bob Sager are her faves) and throw up her hands for "touch down." We are currently reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to her. But, she LOVES any book, and if the books have things to touch and pull or push she is in heaven. She can float, kick her feet, and blow bubbles in the pool! She LOVED dance/tumbling class (She bonded with Ms Sara right away!!!) she can't wait to go back. Finally, she is 100% a Daddy's girl. This isn't to say that she doesn't love me. But, Emilia will follow Mike around all day. Most of her kisses go to her Daddy. When he comes home from work (right now he is working from home) she will yell "Hi Daddy, Hi Daddy!!" And sometimes he can't walk to her first enough.
I am so glad that she is my baby. Yes I still call her my baby. I probably will forever!!!
Friday, March 20, 2020
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Growth
There is a quote floating around the inter webs about growing at different rates. Or is it popping pop corn and not all of it pops? Yeah, shows you how much I pay attention.
17 months...
This time 2 years ago (March 8th 2018, to be exact) we had our first visit with the OB to fully confirm that we were pregnant. Mike and I weren't really going to share the news with many people other than family, and we didn't get to tell most of them. We were shocked... this day would be a yes. There that baby was.. the most beautiful tiny, little thing I have ever seen. Our first positive tests of any time. We did it.
Fast forward to now. I still can't believe that Emilia is real. Daily I have to pinch myself. And sometimes I don't think that we actually did it. That I went through shots, and a C-section. But, she is here.
Let me talk about her for a little bit. I want to give an 18 month update, but that has to wait until the end of the month. So, hopefully she does more by then! Emilia LOVES Dance. Music on the TV, in the car, you name it she is going to dance. So we are enrolled in a dance/gymnastics class. We have only had one class, so time will tell on where this is going. Mike and I wanted Emilia to have a water safety class. We like to swim and go to the beach, so it was naturally something we thought to do. Honestly, I didn't think that Emilia was going to get much from it. When we started she was 15 months old. We also thought that she might be the oldest in the class (turns out there is a boy who is 1 month older than her.) Emilia LOVES swimming. She can float on her back, blow bubbles, kick her feet to move, and she is really close to holding her breath to go under. It is crazy what she picks up on and how fast she does it. Her last swim class level 1 is this week, and then we will move on to level 2. I'm not sure if we will break or go to level 3.
Emilia has always been a babbler. From the time she knew how to do it at 3 months, she really hasn't stopped. I'm hoping that more words come quicker. Because now she is getting frustrated that we don't know all of what she is trying to say.
My girl is tall. So, I upgraded her pants to 18 months. Her swim suits are also 18 months. But, swim suits run small. Most of the pants are too big in her tummy. But, still a little long. I think that her growth is stabilizing a little bit. She is also becoming picky on her foods. Sometimes, she will not eat what we have. Sometimes, she decides that she only wants one thing that we are eating (always a fruit or veggie and she NEVER turns down fries.) She likes most foods, but when she doesn't like something she will through it up. Drama Queen for sure.
Okay, the rest I am going to leave for a 18 month update!
17 months...
This time 2 years ago (March 8th 2018, to be exact) we had our first visit with the OB to fully confirm that we were pregnant. Mike and I weren't really going to share the news with many people other than family, and we didn't get to tell most of them. We were shocked... this day would be a yes. There that baby was.. the most beautiful tiny, little thing I have ever seen. Our first positive tests of any time. We did it.
Fast forward to now. I still can't believe that Emilia is real. Daily I have to pinch myself. And sometimes I don't think that we actually did it. That I went through shots, and a C-section. But, she is here.
Let me talk about her for a little bit. I want to give an 18 month update, but that has to wait until the end of the month. So, hopefully she does more by then! Emilia LOVES Dance. Music on the TV, in the car, you name it she is going to dance. So we are enrolled in a dance/gymnastics class. We have only had one class, so time will tell on where this is going. Mike and I wanted Emilia to have a water safety class. We like to swim and go to the beach, so it was naturally something we thought to do. Honestly, I didn't think that Emilia was going to get much from it. When we started she was 15 months old. We also thought that she might be the oldest in the class (turns out there is a boy who is 1 month older than her.) Emilia LOVES swimming. She can float on her back, blow bubbles, kick her feet to move, and she is really close to holding her breath to go under. It is crazy what she picks up on and how fast she does it. Her last swim class level 1 is this week, and then we will move on to level 2. I'm not sure if we will break or go to level 3.
Emilia has always been a babbler. From the time she knew how to do it at 3 months, she really hasn't stopped. I'm hoping that more words come quicker. Because now she is getting frustrated that we don't know all of what she is trying to say.
My girl is tall. So, I upgraded her pants to 18 months. Her swim suits are also 18 months. But, swim suits run small. Most of the pants are too big in her tummy. But, still a little long. I think that her growth is stabilizing a little bit. She is also becoming picky on her foods. Sometimes, she will not eat what we have. Sometimes, she decides that she only wants one thing that we are eating (always a fruit or veggie and she NEVER turns down fries.) She likes most foods, but when she doesn't like something she will through it up. Drama Queen for sure.
Okay, the rest I am going to leave for a 18 month update!
Thursday, February 27, 2020
WTF
What in the heck!!!
So, I might have been in the wrong on some of this.. But, hear me out!
Emilia has swim on Thursday nights. I knew when I signed up that it was going to be a difficult adjustment for her, because typically she is either laying down or asleep by 8 or 8:30 every night. We are strict on bedtime, she needs her sleep and she needs routine. I DID try to sign up for the Sunday morning swim, but it was full. So, here we are Thursdays at 5:50 swimming.
This also happens to be dinner time. So, usually Emilia will have a snack before class. Sometimes, right after she will have a snack in the car. And we rush off to dinner. Typically we have dinner at Foster's Grill or Fire House Subs, they are both pretty quick with food. Foster's is pretty loud, and while Fire House is quiet, there aren't many people in there, so it isn't a big deal that we have a 17 month old with us.
Emilia is pretty well behaved when we go out. She really likes to look around at new faces, interact with the staff, and if fries and tomatoes are involved she is one happy girl. I am not saying that she doesn't ever act up, I am just saying that she enjoys going out.
If you have never had a meal out with a kiddo younger than 3 you may need me to catch you up. So, here you go. Most of the time, Emilia will sit. Like all kids, she is interested in the world around her. She can sometimes get pretty loud. But, young kids eat and then it is time to explore, or get the heck out of Dodge. Now, when you are at home... you kid will take hours to eat. Or mine eats slow.
Tonight was the exception! I wanted to go to another restaurant. I have been wanting Mexican food. So, while I don't really like El Agve, that is where we headed. It took a while to seat us, and while we were over dinner time, I thought that we could make it. I had packed a pouch for Emilia to eat, and we broke up some chips for her. We were doing pretty well, until our food got there. Mike ordered this 3 combo dinner thing, and I ordered shrimp nachos. I forgot that, my nachos didn't come with tomatoes, shredded cheese, and typical nacho things. I was in a panic. Emilia loves to share food with Mike and Me. And I didn't get anything she could share. Mike had some taco meat in his food, and I found some tomatoes and soft chips. So while it took a hot minute to find things for her. We got it done.
But, Emilia got restless. She began to throw food on the floor. And then the squealing started. The first squeal was ok, we redirected her attention to other things, some other snacks, ice... and then another. AND then a look from a lady in the corner. I brushed it off the first time. Thinking that she only looked up because Emilia was loud. Then Emilia dropped her ice cube on the floor... and then she cried. Not her cute cry, her I'm upset and over this cry. And then the eye roll from said lady.
So, by this point I have given up on my dinner. And it is all about making Emilia happy. So I ask Mike to take her out of the high chair, to see if that will make her happy. However, she then wants me. I just wanted to finish my 2nd glass of tea. (I LOVE TEA and have given up Soda till Easter!) So, I have Mike hand me Emilia across the table. I am trying to also finish my tea. But, then her little hand goes into my glass. So, I decide to make her happy I will let her play with my empty ice filled cup. She is a happy camper for a few minutes. And then, tears all over again. By this point the lady in the corner is flat out staring me down. I am praying that out waitress will come back and we can get the check and leave. I am also hoping that Emilia doesn't have another melt down. I quickly try to get Emilia's coat on, and try to rush out the door, without my coat. I did apologize to the family behind us, because Emilia was throwing food in their direction. That lady (who was not giving me harsh looks, said that it was okay and she understood) was nice.
What I should have done and almost did, was point out to the entire room that this lady was giving me looks and rolling her eyes at me. I was trying to feed my tiny human and make her happy. What I should have done was yell at this lady, make a huge mess and walked out. I also should have said something about how bad this lady treated the waitress, even though she had nothing to do with how my child was acting. I didn't do any of these. I walked away with a screaming child and my tail between my legs.
I think that people forget that this tiny human, is just that a tiny human. The world is new to her. Taking her out of her schedule is heart breaking to her. While she LOVES swim, she still wants to be fed and in her bed on time and by 8pm. She is still learning how to do things and behave. And this bull shit of children should be seen and not heard is just that, bull shit. I would also like to know when it became okay to stare at people for their wrong doings? Did social media allow this? If so, I'm out! Seriously. Mike and I didn't touch our phones at all at dinner. We didn't even hand Emilia our phones. And we don't. She knows that they are used to call people. And that is it. But, we don't give them to her at meal time. Not at home not out. We try hard to occupy her time with talk and other things. But, I am sure that if I gave her my phone tonight, the lady would have rolled her eyes at me even more. I am sure that I did nothing right. It's all fine with me. But, it is very rude.
All mom's are just trying to raise good humans. I don't think any mom wants any different. But, we have to stop this shamming. It's not fair, and it is not right. I am sure, that I am guilty of doing it to someone. For, that I feel awful. I'm an asshole. Lesson learned, it fucking sucks. Seriously! Maybe, I should have taken Emilia to the car sooner. But, she wasn't done eating. Maybe I shouldn't have given her ice, but she does like it. Maybe, I should have went to Foster's or Fire House. Lesson learned, stick with what you know. Lots of lessons learned, lots more to come. This mom thing is hard. Hats off to the been there, done that. You should have a medal, gold star, highest honer. All of the above. Now, I'm an hour past my bed time and I am just hoping that there are not too many miss spellings and grammar errors. Peace Out!
So, I might have been in the wrong on some of this.. But, hear me out!
Emilia has swim on Thursday nights. I knew when I signed up that it was going to be a difficult adjustment for her, because typically she is either laying down or asleep by 8 or 8:30 every night. We are strict on bedtime, she needs her sleep and she needs routine. I DID try to sign up for the Sunday morning swim, but it was full. So, here we are Thursdays at 5:50 swimming.
This also happens to be dinner time. So, usually Emilia will have a snack before class. Sometimes, right after she will have a snack in the car. And we rush off to dinner. Typically we have dinner at Foster's Grill or Fire House Subs, they are both pretty quick with food. Foster's is pretty loud, and while Fire House is quiet, there aren't many people in there, so it isn't a big deal that we have a 17 month old with us.
Emilia is pretty well behaved when we go out. She really likes to look around at new faces, interact with the staff, and if fries and tomatoes are involved she is one happy girl. I am not saying that she doesn't ever act up, I am just saying that she enjoys going out.
If you have never had a meal out with a kiddo younger than 3 you may need me to catch you up. So, here you go. Most of the time, Emilia will sit. Like all kids, she is interested in the world around her. She can sometimes get pretty loud. But, young kids eat and then it is time to explore, or get the heck out of Dodge. Now, when you are at home... you kid will take hours to eat. Or mine eats slow.
Tonight was the exception! I wanted to go to another restaurant. I have been wanting Mexican food. So, while I don't really like El Agve, that is where we headed. It took a while to seat us, and while we were over dinner time, I thought that we could make it. I had packed a pouch for Emilia to eat, and we broke up some chips for her. We were doing pretty well, until our food got there. Mike ordered this 3 combo dinner thing, and I ordered shrimp nachos. I forgot that, my nachos didn't come with tomatoes, shredded cheese, and typical nacho things. I was in a panic. Emilia loves to share food with Mike and Me. And I didn't get anything she could share. Mike had some taco meat in his food, and I found some tomatoes and soft chips. So while it took a hot minute to find things for her. We got it done.
But, Emilia got restless. She began to throw food on the floor. And then the squealing started. The first squeal was ok, we redirected her attention to other things, some other snacks, ice... and then another. AND then a look from a lady in the corner. I brushed it off the first time. Thinking that she only looked up because Emilia was loud. Then Emilia dropped her ice cube on the floor... and then she cried. Not her cute cry, her I'm upset and over this cry. And then the eye roll from said lady.
So, by this point I have given up on my dinner. And it is all about making Emilia happy. So I ask Mike to take her out of the high chair, to see if that will make her happy. However, she then wants me. I just wanted to finish my 2nd glass of tea. (I LOVE TEA and have given up Soda till Easter!) So, I have Mike hand me Emilia across the table. I am trying to also finish my tea. But, then her little hand goes into my glass. So, I decide to make her happy I will let her play with my empty ice filled cup. She is a happy camper for a few minutes. And then, tears all over again. By this point the lady in the corner is flat out staring me down. I am praying that out waitress will come back and we can get the check and leave. I am also hoping that Emilia doesn't have another melt down. I quickly try to get Emilia's coat on, and try to rush out the door, without my coat. I did apologize to the family behind us, because Emilia was throwing food in their direction. That lady (who was not giving me harsh looks, said that it was okay and she understood) was nice.
What I should have done and almost did, was point out to the entire room that this lady was giving me looks and rolling her eyes at me. I was trying to feed my tiny human and make her happy. What I should have done was yell at this lady, make a huge mess and walked out. I also should have said something about how bad this lady treated the waitress, even though she had nothing to do with how my child was acting. I didn't do any of these. I walked away with a screaming child and my tail between my legs.
I think that people forget that this tiny human, is just that a tiny human. The world is new to her. Taking her out of her schedule is heart breaking to her. While she LOVES swim, she still wants to be fed and in her bed on time and by 8pm. She is still learning how to do things and behave. And this bull shit of children should be seen and not heard is just that, bull shit. I would also like to know when it became okay to stare at people for their wrong doings? Did social media allow this? If so, I'm out! Seriously. Mike and I didn't touch our phones at all at dinner. We didn't even hand Emilia our phones. And we don't. She knows that they are used to call people. And that is it. But, we don't give them to her at meal time. Not at home not out. We try hard to occupy her time with talk and other things. But, I am sure that if I gave her my phone tonight, the lady would have rolled her eyes at me even more. I am sure that I did nothing right. It's all fine with me. But, it is very rude.
All mom's are just trying to raise good humans. I don't think any mom wants any different. But, we have to stop this shamming. It's not fair, and it is not right. I am sure, that I am guilty of doing it to someone. For, that I feel awful. I'm an asshole. Lesson learned, it fucking sucks. Seriously! Maybe, I should have taken Emilia to the car sooner. But, she wasn't done eating. Maybe I shouldn't have given her ice, but she does like it. Maybe, I should have went to Foster's or Fire House. Lesson learned, stick with what you know. Lots of lessons learned, lots more to come. This mom thing is hard. Hats off to the been there, done that. You should have a medal, gold star, highest honer. All of the above. Now, I'm an hour past my bed time and I am just hoping that there are not too many miss spellings and grammar errors. Peace Out!
Saturday, October 26, 2019
Just a chapter..
In the book of life.
It is funny how things turn out. But, everyone has a "Book of Life." I thought that my book would be normal and boring. Honestly, I had my life planned out at 16... none of that has worked out very well. I'm still happy, and believe that I have a really good book. But, I think that I have found a new calling, and I need to figure out how to get there.
In 2012, my life changed. Not one of those; "In an instant" kind of deals, more gradual than that. Mike and I would be celebrating our first year of Marriage that October and 11 years together that same month. We decided that we were ready to add littles to our family. (We also added a Boxer, she is our little too!!) But, you all know that didn't go according to plan.
Since then I lived and breathed trying to have a baby. It consumed me, changed me, took up space in parts of my life that I didn't know it could. When we finally made the choice in December of 2015 to move forward with IVF, I felt SO alone. I didn't think that I knew anyone that was going through this or had gone through it. Thank God, for Instagram and finally coming to terms with the truth on Facebook. But, that is not what this is about.
I feel like I have walked through fire. I lived that chapter, but I wasn't sure if I could ever close it. Many times after having Emilia I would talk about it. You are fresh out of it, and think that it is over. But, that shit hits you like a shit ton of brinks and comes from left field and you have no idea what the hell happened. There is NO safety net to catch you, trust me I have looked for one. I hate the term, "It will get better." or "You will get over it." There is nothing to get better, I can't change the fact that I am infertile and I can't get over the fact that my body doesn't work like it is "supposed" to.
BIG BUT HERE!
The thing is, you get to a point... whatever you want to call it. Where you stop sharing it. You don't forget, but it doesn't come out of your mouth like word vomit. I'm saying this because I have now had 2 times where I could spell the beans and talk about it for the ENTIRE time that I was getting my hair cut and pictures taken, but I didn't. I sat getting my hair cut, and when asked if I had kids, I said "Yes, one girl, Emilia." Then I talked about her. How she is sassy and talks my ear off. How she likes tomatoes and I can't figure out why, because I hate them. How she is nervous around new people like Mike and she wants to stranger danger everyone. That's what came out of my mouth.
And it was the sweetest things and best thing about all of it. I was just a normal person, getting my hair cut. Watching my baby get her pictures taken. I was active again in life. I wasn't watching from the sidelines. I wasn't loving other kids like they were my own. I was loving my baby with my entire heart, with every WORD that came from my mouth. The song of my soul was different, much better and I loved it.
I know that it is not over. But, for now Mike and I are really happy. Emilia is that light of out lives. When people ask about having another baby, I do get offended. We aren't there yet. And there is nothing that says that any of what we did to get Emilia will work for another baby. We have plans and dreams for her. These things, do not include another baby right now. They are for her, and some for us. Mike and I put our lives on hold from December 2015 to January 2018 to have Emilia. We want to take her to Disney. We want to go to places we have said we would. We are also not taking for granted that she is a miracle, in more ways that just conception. To add onto this, just one more thing, my body took those IVF drugs from December 2015 to March of 2018, with a few breaks here and there. But, I need a big break. And I am taking it.
So for now take in all of Emilia. Play with her. Cuddle her. Enjoy her photos and dancing. She will grow and change and if we all don't pay attention, we will miss it. And no matter what, I wish you love and baby dust.
It is funny how things turn out. But, everyone has a "Book of Life." I thought that my book would be normal and boring. Honestly, I had my life planned out at 16... none of that has worked out very well. I'm still happy, and believe that I have a really good book. But, I think that I have found a new calling, and I need to figure out how to get there.
In 2012, my life changed. Not one of those; "In an instant" kind of deals, more gradual than that. Mike and I would be celebrating our first year of Marriage that October and 11 years together that same month. We decided that we were ready to add littles to our family. (We also added a Boxer, she is our little too!!) But, you all know that didn't go according to plan.
Since then I lived and breathed trying to have a baby. It consumed me, changed me, took up space in parts of my life that I didn't know it could. When we finally made the choice in December of 2015 to move forward with IVF, I felt SO alone. I didn't think that I knew anyone that was going through this or had gone through it. Thank God, for Instagram and finally coming to terms with the truth on Facebook. But, that is not what this is about.
I feel like I have walked through fire. I lived that chapter, but I wasn't sure if I could ever close it. Many times after having Emilia I would talk about it. You are fresh out of it, and think that it is over. But, that shit hits you like a shit ton of brinks and comes from left field and you have no idea what the hell happened. There is NO safety net to catch you, trust me I have looked for one. I hate the term, "It will get better." or "You will get over it." There is nothing to get better, I can't change the fact that I am infertile and I can't get over the fact that my body doesn't work like it is "supposed" to.
BIG BUT HERE!
The thing is, you get to a point... whatever you want to call it. Where you stop sharing it. You don't forget, but it doesn't come out of your mouth like word vomit. I'm saying this because I have now had 2 times where I could spell the beans and talk about it for the ENTIRE time that I was getting my hair cut and pictures taken, but I didn't. I sat getting my hair cut, and when asked if I had kids, I said "Yes, one girl, Emilia." Then I talked about her. How she is sassy and talks my ear off. How she likes tomatoes and I can't figure out why, because I hate them. How she is nervous around new people like Mike and she wants to stranger danger everyone. That's what came out of my mouth.
And it was the sweetest things and best thing about all of it. I was just a normal person, getting my hair cut. Watching my baby get her pictures taken. I was active again in life. I wasn't watching from the sidelines. I wasn't loving other kids like they were my own. I was loving my baby with my entire heart, with every WORD that came from my mouth. The song of my soul was different, much better and I loved it.
I know that it is not over. But, for now Mike and I are really happy. Emilia is that light of out lives. When people ask about having another baby, I do get offended. We aren't there yet. And there is nothing that says that any of what we did to get Emilia will work for another baby. We have plans and dreams for her. These things, do not include another baby right now. They are for her, and some for us. Mike and I put our lives on hold from December 2015 to January 2018 to have Emilia. We want to take her to Disney. We want to go to places we have said we would. We are also not taking for granted that she is a miracle, in more ways that just conception. To add onto this, just one more thing, my body took those IVF drugs from December 2015 to March of 2018, with a few breaks here and there. But, I need a big break. And I am taking it.
So for now take in all of Emilia. Play with her. Cuddle her. Enjoy her photos and dancing. She will grow and change and if we all don't pay attention, we will miss it. And no matter what, I wish you love and baby dust.
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
6 months and beyond
Time is FLYING. I can hardly believe it.
I have probably had about 30 or more blogs in my head, I should start writing them down... (They come to me in the middle of the night, when I should be sleeping!!)
First. I can't believe that I have a 6 almost 7 month old. Not only is she trying her hardest to sit up, which she has been trying since she was a month in a half old. But, now she wants to push off with her legs, and it looks like she is trying to walk. Forget rolling and crawling, she is just going to skip those.
Second... It is weird to me how different I feel about infertility now. It doesn't leave you. But, parts of it really do get better. It does take a little bit longer to get there. I just really have to choose what bothers me now. Sometimes, I feel like nothing bothers me and then I feel like it ALL bothers me. I can say that I NO longer have word vomit about it. That makes me happy. I have to take the little things.
Third. Yeah I got nothing!
I never realize how tiny Emilia is, until I go to buy her clothes or take her to the doctor. But, boy is she long. I know that won't tell if she will be tall or not. But, if I am remembering correctly from her 4 months appointment to her 6 months appointment she added a lot of inches. When I see her BABY Baby pictures, I don't even think that she is the same baby! Christmas to now seems like SO long ago. Really it isn't that long. September to now seems like a lifetime. And I can't believe in 5 months I will have a 1 year old.
I never thought in a million years that I would make these mile stones. I feel like all of last year, I was holding my breath until Emilia got here. I would have loved to just fast forward last year to the part where you get the baby. I want to tell you that the baby is the best part. Which, I really don't have to because that is what most of us are fighting for.
I want to say a few other things. Have a baby shower. For the love of God, have 5 of them. Invite as many people as you can. A few people asked me if I was going to keep ALL the clothes that I got at my 1 baby shower. I am here to tell you that I have kept them ALL, and I have used them ALL and then some. We have gone through EVERY size. From premie to just barely in 6 months old. I never seems to have enough sleepers. And the sleepers that are one sized, Emilia gets too long for. (Poor baby has never been too fat for them.) Also, if you haven't had your shower yet, your guests (unless they are me) will not buy you past 6 months. And you won't get a lot of 6 months clothes, so go out and buy those. Get them on sale as soon as you learn what you are having. Buy them up!
Accept Hand-me-downs.... from Friends and Family. (People you know!!) Okay, I am weird about this. I don't like to go to thrift stores and consignments places and buy clothes. The main reason... I have seen how many times Emilia has blown out, puked on.. and when she gets shots at the Dr's bleeds on her clothes. For some reason I just don't think that they clothes are clean enough from there. But, I am more than happy to get clothes from friends and family members.
Blankets. You can NEVER have too many of these. If someone tells you otherwise, you either don't live in VA or they are crazy. I never know what the weather is going to be. I can walk about and it is 50 degrees and warm, and they next day it is 50 degrees and cold as hell. Keep a blanket in your diaper bag. Keep one in your car. They also make great places to put your baby down if you need to. Plus, if you have more than a few you don't have to was clothes every other day.
Coats, Jackets, and such. This one is really hard. You can't put the baby in the cart seat in a heavy coat (thus the need for blankets). But, if you are carrying her around or going somewhere you need a coat. I got one of those fleece coats, that has a hood and her feet and arms go in it. They worked SO well. Until, I got her too warm a couple of times and I thought that she was going to scream so loud that my windows were going to break. Kid does not like to be warm. We also have a snow suit that we used a few times. Never in the car. I tried my best not to go out on super cold days. Hats are my favorite. But, up until now (when the weather is warm) Emilia didn't care for them.
Car seats. It took forever for Emilia to like to ride in the car seat. And still sometimes, she hates riding in it in my car. We have a small stuffed animal and a taggie, that have to go with us EVERYWHERE in order to have a smoother car ride. Also we have to have a Passie. It is probably the MOST important part.
Speaking of Passies. I understand that some people hate them. But, I love them. Emilia has to have one to sleep. They didn't really offer it in the hospital. They didn't keep it away, but I begged for one. Our Peds loves them too. He said that some babies are not born suckers. And the passie will help. It helped with a lot of things. If you aren't a passie person, that is fine. Just don't be mean to someone that uses them. Mom shame is not an okay game.
Okay all of my random is done. Lots of Love and baby dust!
I have probably had about 30 or more blogs in my head, I should start writing them down... (They come to me in the middle of the night, when I should be sleeping!!)
First. I can't believe that I have a 6 almost 7 month old. Not only is she trying her hardest to sit up, which she has been trying since she was a month in a half old. But, now she wants to push off with her legs, and it looks like she is trying to walk. Forget rolling and crawling, she is just going to skip those.
Second... It is weird to me how different I feel about infertility now. It doesn't leave you. But, parts of it really do get better. It does take a little bit longer to get there. I just really have to choose what bothers me now. Sometimes, I feel like nothing bothers me and then I feel like it ALL bothers me. I can say that I NO longer have word vomit about it. That makes me happy. I have to take the little things.
Third. Yeah I got nothing!
I never realize how tiny Emilia is, until I go to buy her clothes or take her to the doctor. But, boy is she long. I know that won't tell if she will be tall or not. But, if I am remembering correctly from her 4 months appointment to her 6 months appointment she added a lot of inches. When I see her BABY Baby pictures, I don't even think that she is the same baby! Christmas to now seems like SO long ago. Really it isn't that long. September to now seems like a lifetime. And I can't believe in 5 months I will have a 1 year old.
I never thought in a million years that I would make these mile stones. I feel like all of last year, I was holding my breath until Emilia got here. I would have loved to just fast forward last year to the part where you get the baby. I want to tell you that the baby is the best part. Which, I really don't have to because that is what most of us are fighting for.
I want to say a few other things. Have a baby shower. For the love of God, have 5 of them. Invite as many people as you can. A few people asked me if I was going to keep ALL the clothes that I got at my 1 baby shower. I am here to tell you that I have kept them ALL, and I have used them ALL and then some. We have gone through EVERY size. From premie to just barely in 6 months old. I never seems to have enough sleepers. And the sleepers that are one sized, Emilia gets too long for. (Poor baby has never been too fat for them.) Also, if you haven't had your shower yet, your guests (unless they are me) will not buy you past 6 months. And you won't get a lot of 6 months clothes, so go out and buy those. Get them on sale as soon as you learn what you are having. Buy them up!
Accept Hand-me-downs.... from Friends and Family. (People you know!!) Okay, I am weird about this. I don't like to go to thrift stores and consignments places and buy clothes. The main reason... I have seen how many times Emilia has blown out, puked on.. and when she gets shots at the Dr's bleeds on her clothes. For some reason I just don't think that they clothes are clean enough from there. But, I am more than happy to get clothes from friends and family members.
Blankets. You can NEVER have too many of these. If someone tells you otherwise, you either don't live in VA or they are crazy. I never know what the weather is going to be. I can walk about and it is 50 degrees and warm, and they next day it is 50 degrees and cold as hell. Keep a blanket in your diaper bag. Keep one in your car. They also make great places to put your baby down if you need to. Plus, if you have more than a few you don't have to was clothes every other day.
Coats, Jackets, and such. This one is really hard. You can't put the baby in the cart seat in a heavy coat (thus the need for blankets). But, if you are carrying her around or going somewhere you need a coat. I got one of those fleece coats, that has a hood and her feet and arms go in it. They worked SO well. Until, I got her too warm a couple of times and I thought that she was going to scream so loud that my windows were going to break. Kid does not like to be warm. We also have a snow suit that we used a few times. Never in the car. I tried my best not to go out on super cold days. Hats are my favorite. But, up until now (when the weather is warm) Emilia didn't care for them.
Car seats. It took forever for Emilia to like to ride in the car seat. And still sometimes, she hates riding in it in my car. We have a small stuffed animal and a taggie, that have to go with us EVERYWHERE in order to have a smoother car ride. Also we have to have a Passie. It is probably the MOST important part.
Speaking of Passies. I understand that some people hate them. But, I love them. Emilia has to have one to sleep. They didn't really offer it in the hospital. They didn't keep it away, but I begged for one. Our Peds loves them too. He said that some babies are not born suckers. And the passie will help. It helped with a lot of things. If you aren't a passie person, that is fine. Just don't be mean to someone that uses them. Mom shame is not an okay game.
Okay all of my random is done. Lots of Love and baby dust!
Sunday, December 23, 2018
Dear Emilia,
Dear Emilia,
You are laying next to me sleeping right now, making fists like Pappy (My Grandpa) does while he sleeps and blowing bubbles in your mouth. I'd like to be screaming at the TV cause the Steelers game is on and we need to win. But, you have been fighting sleep all day, and I know that if I talk you will wake up, so I haven't made a sound. You are almost 3 months old. And I feel like these 3 months have flown by. We have hit so many mile stones since your 2 month appointment. But, I don't think that they are milestones that are counted at the doctor's office.
None of your newborn clothes fit you now. I cried when I had to put your dinosaur sleeper in a box to be put away. And all of the pants that you have are shorts, because you are long.. and just a little chunky. I still can't believe that you also had to wear premie clothes. Those are hard to find, and at times we just put you in newborn size, because we had to keep you in clothes. It has taken you almost the full 3 months to get to size 3 months. You are just our Itsy Bitsy.
Our time with breastfeeding has come to an end. I am happy that it is over. I don't think that you liked that we stopped and I was sad that you still wanted to do it. It was hard not being able to provide enough for you. I know that you would have keep going longer, but it was a matter of supply and you needing to grow. You are much happier now that you can eat more and do not have to nurse and then supplement.
You are sleeping so well at night. I don't want to jinx that, but I want to brag about it. Since about the 23rd of November you have been sleeping on average about 6 hours a night. Honestly I think that it might have come sooner, if we didn't have to wake you every 3 hours to feed. But, you sleep like a champ at night. If only you would go to sleep before 1am, your mommy is not a night owl.
One of your favorite things is to talk to a snowman that I have put up for Christmas. Every morning after you eat, you coo and smile at the snowman. I will be leaving him up for a while. You have learned to grab, which means hair. You love lights. The baby in the phone is also another favorite, but you haven't realized that it is you yet. You love to be sang to, and you love to read stories before bed. You would sleep on your tummy if you were allowed. You fight nap time like it is your job (that is from Daddy!!) You love to be talked to and you turn your head in all different directions to look around and listen to things. Regular tummy time is a struggle, but you can hold your head up on your own and you can roll to your left side, which is where I find you in the mornings if I wake up before you. Abby is your buddy, you started to recognize her. You like to grab her ears and sometimes you smile when she kisses you. Your smile is contagious.
I cannot believe that this is your first Christmas baby girl. I know that you will be spoiled this year and many years after. But, I hope that you will learn that Christmas is about love and giving and not about getting everything that you want. I hope that you will be greatful ALWAYS. I hope that you never lose the magic that Christmas is. I know that there will come a time where this is spoiled for you, but I hope that you will find it in your heart to believe and that it will stay that way for a while. I also can't wait until you know what Christmas is. I don't mind if you are into everything, but please don't knock the tree over.
In these 3 months Daddy and I have grown so in love with you. We still remark at how it all happened. We have decided that we will call you our miracle baby, but we are going to wait a while to tell you about IVF and all that jazz. We hope that we won't treat you too different, just because it took so long to get you. But, we know in our hearts that it is almost going to be impossible to do that.
Happy 3 months baby girl! And Happy 1st Christmas, may all your dreams come true, Daddy and I know ours have with you!
Love,
Mom
You are laying next to me sleeping right now, making fists like Pappy (My Grandpa) does while he sleeps and blowing bubbles in your mouth. I'd like to be screaming at the TV cause the Steelers game is on and we need to win. But, you have been fighting sleep all day, and I know that if I talk you will wake up, so I haven't made a sound. You are almost 3 months old. And I feel like these 3 months have flown by. We have hit so many mile stones since your 2 month appointment. But, I don't think that they are milestones that are counted at the doctor's office.
None of your newborn clothes fit you now. I cried when I had to put your dinosaur sleeper in a box to be put away. And all of the pants that you have are shorts, because you are long.. and just a little chunky. I still can't believe that you also had to wear premie clothes. Those are hard to find, and at times we just put you in newborn size, because we had to keep you in clothes. It has taken you almost the full 3 months to get to size 3 months. You are just our Itsy Bitsy.
Our time with breastfeeding has come to an end. I am happy that it is over. I don't think that you liked that we stopped and I was sad that you still wanted to do it. It was hard not being able to provide enough for you. I know that you would have keep going longer, but it was a matter of supply and you needing to grow. You are much happier now that you can eat more and do not have to nurse and then supplement.
You are sleeping so well at night. I don't want to jinx that, but I want to brag about it. Since about the 23rd of November you have been sleeping on average about 6 hours a night. Honestly I think that it might have come sooner, if we didn't have to wake you every 3 hours to feed. But, you sleep like a champ at night. If only you would go to sleep before 1am, your mommy is not a night owl.
One of your favorite things is to talk to a snowman that I have put up for Christmas. Every morning after you eat, you coo and smile at the snowman. I will be leaving him up for a while. You have learned to grab, which means hair. You love lights. The baby in the phone is also another favorite, but you haven't realized that it is you yet. You love to be sang to, and you love to read stories before bed. You would sleep on your tummy if you were allowed. You fight nap time like it is your job (that is from Daddy!!) You love to be talked to and you turn your head in all different directions to look around and listen to things. Regular tummy time is a struggle, but you can hold your head up on your own and you can roll to your left side, which is where I find you in the mornings if I wake up before you. Abby is your buddy, you started to recognize her. You like to grab her ears and sometimes you smile when she kisses you. Your smile is contagious.
I cannot believe that this is your first Christmas baby girl. I know that you will be spoiled this year and many years after. But, I hope that you will learn that Christmas is about love and giving and not about getting everything that you want. I hope that you will be greatful ALWAYS. I hope that you never lose the magic that Christmas is. I know that there will come a time where this is spoiled for you, but I hope that you will find it in your heart to believe and that it will stay that way for a while. I also can't wait until you know what Christmas is. I don't mind if you are into everything, but please don't knock the tree over.
In these 3 months Daddy and I have grown so in love with you. We still remark at how it all happened. We have decided that we will call you our miracle baby, but we are going to wait a while to tell you about IVF and all that jazz. We hope that we won't treat you too different, just because it took so long to get you. But, we know in our hearts that it is almost going to be impossible to do that.
Happy 3 months baby girl! And Happy 1st Christmas, may all your dreams come true, Daddy and I know ours have with you!
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
An Update.. Kind of
It is hard for me to get on here and update... Emilia has my hands and heart full. In fact as I type this I am sure that she will wake, and I will have to come back to it.
I wanted to write on some things that I have learned in the first 2 months of motherhood. And a few more things.
I was scared to have a c-section. When I learned that Emilia was breech and that she wasn't going to turn, and that my OB didn't want to turn her.. I was scared. I am here to tell you that it wasn't that bad. I would say that the worst part was the IV that I had to have, because they like to put it in the side of my wrist where the bone is. And holy shit that hurts. The pain after is not bad, just walk. Make sure you get up. If I would have been better with making the nurses giving me pain meds then I would have walked the entire unit.
Breast feeding is not all it's cracked up to be. I thought that my milk my not come in. My mom wasn't able to nurse me for long, and I didn't know if I would be able to. When Emilia was born and we did skin to skin she didn't not move towards my boob. I moved her down so that she was in between my boobs, she only cuddled and fell asleep. So, Mike and I just loved on her. When the lactation consultant came in, it was game on and not in a good way. When we finally got Emilia to latch she didn't suck. And then this lady pushed and mashed on my boobs and turned my baby all these ways. We spent hours trying. I was sore from the c-section, and I was sore from my boobs. After the lactation lady left for a peirod of time, I just cuddled my baby again. Then she came back and we were at it again. There was NOTHING coming from my boobs. I think at about 8 or 9 pm the colostrum finally came from one of my boobs. We were now on to the night nurse. All the nurses that day mashed and squeezed my boobs, I thought that it would NEVER end. Emilia had to have her blood sugar checked, because she was tiny. At about 12am, I asked the night nurse if we could give her a bottle. I just wanted to make sure that something was in my baby and her sugar kept going down. Pam (that was the night nurse and I will NEVER forget her), looked in the bassinet in our room for the formula and found out it had been taken. She asked if we had requested that, and Mike said no. We want to feed this baby. Pam went and got us some bottles, and for the first time our baby drank. I am pretty sure that I cried. And then I cried again when her blood sugar was checked and went up. If your babies blood sugar has to be checked I am warning you now that it is the worst thing to watch. And I am Thankful that Mike was there, because if he wasn't I think that I would have just cried the entire time. Also if Pam wasn't there the first night to take care of us, I think that we would have not made it. She is truly and angel. We tried so hard to breast feed Emilia. And when I say we I really mean WE. Because I would pump and Mike would give her that. In order to help her sucking one of the Peds recommended a Pacifier and was not opposed. It did help. When we went to visit the Ped, Dr. Jakeum he told us that because she was small we would need to put Emilia at the breast and then give her about an ounce of formula. We had to see another lactation consultant. She helped a lot. When we came back in a week, Emilia had not gained much, so then we had to give her high calorie formula along with breast milk. I was working and did work, but she go to so stopped up that after she gained enough weight I would just give her breast first, and then give her 2 ounces of formula. Then the trouble started... As babies grow they want more and as she grew my supply did not. I reached out to everyone, including our lactation lady at the Peds office. I took Fenugreek like it was my job. I drank water, I put her to my breast I pumped, and when I looked like I could finally give up formula, Emilia decided that nursing wasn't for her anymore. I would put her to the breast and she would suck for a little bit, and then cry. I would change sides and she would suck for a little and cry. We had a night, many of you know, that she was up from 11:30 am to 4:30 am the next day, and NOTHING made her happy. My boob made her the most mad. I gave her a bottle of breast milk and she spit it up. At 8pm I got her to sleep on me for about 45 mins, (I am guessing at this, because I was SO tired). Emilia then woke up I changed her cuddled her and tried to feed her at the breast again. She cried. I cried with her. I made her a formula bottle and she drank an ounce. Mike was on nights that day and so I just turned on music and sat on the couch with her waiting for him to come home. Emilia was up. After that I thought that when we finally go to sleep and she woke up that she would want to nurse. She did not. And then after all the fenugreek, my supply went down. I envy anyone who was able to put their baby to the breast and have them just suckle. At our 2 month visit, I told Dr. Jakeum what had been happening, but honestly I was scared to because I know that he is VERY pro breast feeding. To my surprise, he said that he was on board with stopping. We have not 100% stopped. But, we are getting close. I am sad, but at the same time like Dr. Jakeum said all the work that we have put in and with not getting more than an ounce, it is time to just cuddle and play with Emilia and feed her formula. She will be okay. I want to end this point by saying, I hate breast feeding, I don't like lactation consultants and I wish that my boobs were like cows and just flowed.
Many people say not to wake a sleeping baby... well that is not always the case. I had to set an alarm on my phone and wake Emilia every 3 hours. During the day and night. Emilia was a sleeper when she was born and really for the first month. She enjoyed sleeping. I was SO happy when I didn't have to wake her anymore. I love to watch her sleep and I LOVE to cuddle her while she is sleeping.
Babies make a LOT of laundry. Yes, my tiny baby who is still in newborn clothes makes a lot of laundry. I suggest if you are reading this and are getting ready to have a baby, to get a lot of sleepers. You will either like the zippers or snaps (I like the snaps cause her feet and bum can come out and go back in quick). Get a lot of them. ALL sizes, all materials. I also suggest baby towels. Regular towels do not work well on babies. You can't wrap them as well. And trust me that baby is going to be wet after a bath. They soak up water!!
So the suggested way of sleeping for babies is on their backs. And for the first month and a half Emilia was okay with this. Now, she wants to roll and she is really trying. But, she would rather sleep on her tummy. I HAVE NOT PUT HER THERE, just be clear. Except when she is laying on me. But, it is hard when your child wants to be sleeping one way and you can't let them sleep like that.
A final thought... many have asked about putting pictures of Emilia on social media. I wanted to address it. Early in my pregnancy, Mike and I had a conversation about sharing things on social media. I know that I have shared a bunch. But, we talked about the babies face being out there. How people are bullied on social media, criticized for the way they parent, and just people being mean. I have been on the front end of it, and I think that I may have done it. Mike and I also talked about people knowing what the baby looked like. We talked about how many of our friends and family have people on their social medias that we do not know. I brought up a point that children are stalked now on social media. And then those people know where to find a child. And so we decided that we were going to leave the baby off of social media. I know that we have done a couple of pictures, but we are trying to keep Emilia off there. I know that people are upset about it. But, that is what we feel. I am also trying to not share things as much as I used to. I know that I have shared my journey. It was long and hard. I still wake up ans stare at Emilia before she wakes, and Thank God for her. I still wake in the middle of the night and check to make sure that she is there. I enjoy the little smiles that she gives. The little "talks" we have. When I think that I have memorized all her features, she changes. I have not beat infertility. I only got the upper hand this time. My course of action doesn't work for everyone, but I hope that it gives hope to just one person. I want you to know that even though, I might not talk infertility anymore, but if you need me I am here. You can message me, you can text me. I will be here for you. Don't give up. Your family will come. It will be yours. No matter how. Adoption, 4 paws, your own child, anyway you choose it.
I will try to update every now and again. But, as I said my hands and heart are full with Emilia. So, I am slow to answer texts, emails, and messages. And I am slow to update. But, I am here, with Love and Baby Dust.
I wanted to write on some things that I have learned in the first 2 months of motherhood. And a few more things.
I was scared to have a c-section. When I learned that Emilia was breech and that she wasn't going to turn, and that my OB didn't want to turn her.. I was scared. I am here to tell you that it wasn't that bad. I would say that the worst part was the IV that I had to have, because they like to put it in the side of my wrist where the bone is. And holy shit that hurts. The pain after is not bad, just walk. Make sure you get up. If I would have been better with making the nurses giving me pain meds then I would have walked the entire unit.
Breast feeding is not all it's cracked up to be. I thought that my milk my not come in. My mom wasn't able to nurse me for long, and I didn't know if I would be able to. When Emilia was born and we did skin to skin she didn't not move towards my boob. I moved her down so that she was in between my boobs, she only cuddled and fell asleep. So, Mike and I just loved on her. When the lactation consultant came in, it was game on and not in a good way. When we finally got Emilia to latch she didn't suck. And then this lady pushed and mashed on my boobs and turned my baby all these ways. We spent hours trying. I was sore from the c-section, and I was sore from my boobs. After the lactation lady left for a peirod of time, I just cuddled my baby again. Then she came back and we were at it again. There was NOTHING coming from my boobs. I think at about 8 or 9 pm the colostrum finally came from one of my boobs. We were now on to the night nurse. All the nurses that day mashed and squeezed my boobs, I thought that it would NEVER end. Emilia had to have her blood sugar checked, because she was tiny. At about 12am, I asked the night nurse if we could give her a bottle. I just wanted to make sure that something was in my baby and her sugar kept going down. Pam (that was the night nurse and I will NEVER forget her), looked in the bassinet in our room for the formula and found out it had been taken. She asked if we had requested that, and Mike said no. We want to feed this baby. Pam went and got us some bottles, and for the first time our baby drank. I am pretty sure that I cried. And then I cried again when her blood sugar was checked and went up. If your babies blood sugar has to be checked I am warning you now that it is the worst thing to watch. And I am Thankful that Mike was there, because if he wasn't I think that I would have just cried the entire time. Also if Pam wasn't there the first night to take care of us, I think that we would have not made it. She is truly and angel. We tried so hard to breast feed Emilia. And when I say we I really mean WE. Because I would pump and Mike would give her that. In order to help her sucking one of the Peds recommended a Pacifier and was not opposed. It did help. When we went to visit the Ped, Dr. Jakeum he told us that because she was small we would need to put Emilia at the breast and then give her about an ounce of formula. We had to see another lactation consultant. She helped a lot. When we came back in a week, Emilia had not gained much, so then we had to give her high calorie formula along with breast milk. I was working and did work, but she go to so stopped up that after she gained enough weight I would just give her breast first, and then give her 2 ounces of formula. Then the trouble started... As babies grow they want more and as she grew my supply did not. I reached out to everyone, including our lactation lady at the Peds office. I took Fenugreek like it was my job. I drank water, I put her to my breast I pumped, and when I looked like I could finally give up formula, Emilia decided that nursing wasn't for her anymore. I would put her to the breast and she would suck for a little bit, and then cry. I would change sides and she would suck for a little and cry. We had a night, many of you know, that she was up from 11:30 am to 4:30 am the next day, and NOTHING made her happy. My boob made her the most mad. I gave her a bottle of breast milk and she spit it up. At 8pm I got her to sleep on me for about 45 mins, (I am guessing at this, because I was SO tired). Emilia then woke up I changed her cuddled her and tried to feed her at the breast again. She cried. I cried with her. I made her a formula bottle and she drank an ounce. Mike was on nights that day and so I just turned on music and sat on the couch with her waiting for him to come home. Emilia was up. After that I thought that when we finally go to sleep and she woke up that she would want to nurse. She did not. And then after all the fenugreek, my supply went down. I envy anyone who was able to put their baby to the breast and have them just suckle. At our 2 month visit, I told Dr. Jakeum what had been happening, but honestly I was scared to because I know that he is VERY pro breast feeding. To my surprise, he said that he was on board with stopping. We have not 100% stopped. But, we are getting close. I am sad, but at the same time like Dr. Jakeum said all the work that we have put in and with not getting more than an ounce, it is time to just cuddle and play with Emilia and feed her formula. She will be okay. I want to end this point by saying, I hate breast feeding, I don't like lactation consultants and I wish that my boobs were like cows and just flowed.
Many people say not to wake a sleeping baby... well that is not always the case. I had to set an alarm on my phone and wake Emilia every 3 hours. During the day and night. Emilia was a sleeper when she was born and really for the first month. She enjoyed sleeping. I was SO happy when I didn't have to wake her anymore. I love to watch her sleep and I LOVE to cuddle her while she is sleeping.
Babies make a LOT of laundry. Yes, my tiny baby who is still in newborn clothes makes a lot of laundry. I suggest if you are reading this and are getting ready to have a baby, to get a lot of sleepers. You will either like the zippers or snaps (I like the snaps cause her feet and bum can come out and go back in quick). Get a lot of them. ALL sizes, all materials. I also suggest baby towels. Regular towels do not work well on babies. You can't wrap them as well. And trust me that baby is going to be wet after a bath. They soak up water!!
So the suggested way of sleeping for babies is on their backs. And for the first month and a half Emilia was okay with this. Now, she wants to roll and she is really trying. But, she would rather sleep on her tummy. I HAVE NOT PUT HER THERE, just be clear. Except when she is laying on me. But, it is hard when your child wants to be sleeping one way and you can't let them sleep like that.
A final thought... many have asked about putting pictures of Emilia on social media. I wanted to address it. Early in my pregnancy, Mike and I had a conversation about sharing things on social media. I know that I have shared a bunch. But, we talked about the babies face being out there. How people are bullied on social media, criticized for the way they parent, and just people being mean. I have been on the front end of it, and I think that I may have done it. Mike and I also talked about people knowing what the baby looked like. We talked about how many of our friends and family have people on their social medias that we do not know. I brought up a point that children are stalked now on social media. And then those people know where to find a child. And so we decided that we were going to leave the baby off of social media. I know that we have done a couple of pictures, but we are trying to keep Emilia off there. I know that people are upset about it. But, that is what we feel. I am also trying to not share things as much as I used to. I know that I have shared my journey. It was long and hard. I still wake up ans stare at Emilia before she wakes, and Thank God for her. I still wake in the middle of the night and check to make sure that she is there. I enjoy the little smiles that she gives. The little "talks" we have. When I think that I have memorized all her features, she changes. I have not beat infertility. I only got the upper hand this time. My course of action doesn't work for everyone, but I hope that it gives hope to just one person. I want you to know that even though, I might not talk infertility anymore, but if you need me I am here. You can message me, you can text me. I will be here for you. Don't give up. Your family will come. It will be yours. No matter how. Adoption, 4 paws, your own child, anyway you choose it.
I will try to update every now and again. But, as I said my hands and heart are full with Emilia. So, I am slow to answer texts, emails, and messages. And I am slow to update. But, I am here, with Love and Baby Dust.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)