What a couple of weeks it has been, I feel like I have been riding an emotional roller coaster and I can't get off when it stops at the station. I'm not nervous about my appointment today, but I feel like I am not going to get an answer. I also have been having the same dream for about two weeks now, and I wake up in tears, if not in tears, then taking a deep breath like, I have been holding it. I know that my dream will not be true, I know that I cannot be that lucky.
I'm not sure if I want to tell you about my dream, it is a baby dream, but I don't want to share. I had a great blog planned out, i wasn't going to talk about babies, just life... oh well.
Oh my gosh as I am watching this, I am watching "Gilmore Girls" where Sookie has a baby... UG!
Okay I need a new topic...
So I am sitting in my house looking at my Halloween decorations, that i am allowed to keep up until Christmas. As I am looking, I don't want to change my decorations. But, I know that I will. I don't want to change them because it is so pretty in here to me. But, all good things must end. Unless you have a Boxer, than good things never come to an end!
I was supposed to go to a Child care center today, and I was also supposed to stop by the office. I really don't want to do either. I am conflicted as to what to do. My job is now offering a case that it 4 days a week for 6 hours, however... it's with an adult. I don't have the greatest track record with these things. I don't feel for these parents. I try and I try, but I just don't have any sympathy. I am still in shock at the outcome of a court case this week. First of all, they lied, second of all, really??? I just can't get it. It's bothering me more than I should, and I just can't let it go. I think that families in most cases should be reunited, however I don't know that this was the best thing....
Okay, I am out of ideas for the blog for today. I have my blood work at 4pm. I am hoping that this is the last, before all the baby blood work that is needed. I also hope for some answers. If you are the praying type please pray. If you are the sending ju-ju type please do. And if you just want to send some happy thoughts, I'll take those too!
Friday, November 14, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Big Hero 6
I'm not sure if I should begin this blog by complaining, or just talk about the title. So, for this blog I will ditch the complaining and save it for another time. (Considering it's 10 minutes before the Walking Dead.. and HOPEFULLY hubby is home in time; complaining takes too long!!)
Hubby and I went on a date last night. Out to dinner and a movie, this is our usual. We are kind of boring in that way, but we both really like movies and so that is what we do. We went and saw the Disney movie "Big Hero 6." (I know not everyone is on par with Disney movies and these days they get a lot of hate, but we enjoy them.) We really enjoy the previews, infact they are MY fave. I want to know what I have to look forward to seeing after I have seen this movie. I like to plan ahead.
Anyways:
Before the movie there was a short, most of the time they are funny or confusing. (You know what I am talking about if you have seen the one with the chess player, who is playing by himself, I believe that one is before Ratatouille?!?!?)
To spoil it for you this one is about a dog, it is entitled, The Feast. So basically, the puppy is on the street when a guy finds him, and gives him dog food with human food on top. Guy takes pup home, which at first I thought was a Boxer puppy, but as the pup grows, it is clearly a Boston Terrier. But the guy gives the puppy, "Winston" dog food and then puts cooked food on top. Guy takes pup to restaurant, where Guy meets Girl. Guy and girl fall in love, and girl does not give pup human food. Instead she gives the pup parsley(??). Which makes the pup said. Then, girl breaks up with guy and he is very said. Orders lots of take out food, pup gets food again and is super happy. But, guy is very sad, until he orders spaghetti, and the pup finds parsley again and runs away to find the girl. Guy and girl get married and pup is best man. Then...
Cut to pup laying on the floor next to his dog dish... then a meat ball rolls on the floor. And a tear down my cheek. And another meatball... and another tear... and then you see the BABY in the high chair feeding the pup. And then it goes on to have the BABY grow and then another BABY. Oh yeah, there are many tears coming down my face. Hubby offers pop corn to try and get to not to notice...
I let the floodgates go, all over a cartoon. A 5 minute short film, with not a lot of sound. I am bawling like a crazy women. All I can think about are my dogs. Mainly Jake, he is old, about to be 10. I just hope that he can be around to enjoy our child. Then I think of Abby, my Boxer and her short life span. I want her to be there too. I am such a mess. All over a little short film. To be fair, I have always cried over animals, sometimes humans. But, not as much. Dogs are my weakness. I love them. I just hope that they are around for my babies.
Hubby and I went on a date last night. Out to dinner and a movie, this is our usual. We are kind of boring in that way, but we both really like movies and so that is what we do. We went and saw the Disney movie "Big Hero 6." (I know not everyone is on par with Disney movies and these days they get a lot of hate, but we enjoy them.) We really enjoy the previews, infact they are MY fave. I want to know what I have to look forward to seeing after I have seen this movie. I like to plan ahead.
Anyways:
Before the movie there was a short, most of the time they are funny or confusing. (You know what I am talking about if you have seen the one with the chess player, who is playing by himself, I believe that one is before Ratatouille?!?!?)
To spoil it for you this one is about a dog, it is entitled, The Feast. So basically, the puppy is on the street when a guy finds him, and gives him dog food with human food on top. Guy takes pup home, which at first I thought was a Boxer puppy, but as the pup grows, it is clearly a Boston Terrier. But the guy gives the puppy, "Winston" dog food and then puts cooked food on top. Guy takes pup to restaurant, where Guy meets Girl. Guy and girl fall in love, and girl does not give pup human food. Instead she gives the pup parsley(??). Which makes the pup said. Then, girl breaks up with guy and he is very said. Orders lots of take out food, pup gets food again and is super happy. But, guy is very sad, until he orders spaghetti, and the pup finds parsley again and runs away to find the girl. Guy and girl get married and pup is best man. Then...
Cut to pup laying on the floor next to his dog dish... then a meat ball rolls on the floor. And a tear down my cheek. And another meatball... and another tear... and then you see the BABY in the high chair feeding the pup. And then it goes on to have the BABY grow and then another BABY. Oh yeah, there are many tears coming down my face. Hubby offers pop corn to try and get to not to notice...
I let the floodgates go, all over a cartoon. A 5 minute short film, with not a lot of sound. I am bawling like a crazy women. All I can think about are my dogs. Mainly Jake, he is old, about to be 10. I just hope that he can be around to enjoy our child. Then I think of Abby, my Boxer and her short life span. I want her to be there too. I am such a mess. All over a little short film. To be fair, I have always cried over animals, sometimes humans. But, not as much. Dogs are my weakness. I love them. I just hope that they are around for my babies.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
PCOS: Update
On Monday of this week I went in for blood work. I am a big sissy, it is not something that I can't hide. I don't like needles, I don't think that anyone really says that they do, however I remember a time when I was a small child, I was overly emotional during a Dr's visit and I was literally screaming when this mean old lady (bitch of a nurse) leaned down and whispered in my ear, "If you don't hold still this needle will get stuck and I'll have to get another to get this one out." Um, do you really think that is going to help me sit still? Talk about a panic attack... I have gotten a lot better since then. I am still freaked out. I still want someone to go with me. I no longer throw a fit, and I have stopped crying from the moment I walk into the appointment until I leave.
Anyways:
Monday I went in for blood work. The nurse said that results would be back in a week. I was surprised when I got a call from Dr. M on Tuesday morning. Dr. M is very sweet, she has a british accent, I could listen to her talk all day. I LOVE british accents!!! Dr. M said that my results were normal, according to my blood I don't have PCOS... Okay then what do I do next? I'm still not pregnant. Dr. M says that she doesn't like to just give medication. That she believes that I am young and healthy and that she wants to rule out everything before she just gives me medication. So, Dr. M suggests ANOTHER blood test to check progestin levels.
So on the 14th, I have to go in a get my blood checked again. Because all these tests are about timing. One test has to be conducted on the 3rd day of "my time," and another test has to be conducted on the 21st day of "my cycle." Now, depending on this test will determine what the next plan of action is.
Honestly I am hoping that it is my progestin levels, the pills that come along with those are not as harsh on my body. They don't cause multiple babies. The side effects are not that bad.
Pregnancy
Progesterone, a natural hormone that the body makes during pregnancy, has not caused problems. In fact, it is sometimes used in women to treat a certain type of infertility and to aid in egg donor or infertility procedures.
Other progestins have not been studied in pregnant women. Be sure to tell your doctor if you become pregnant while using any of the progestins. It is best to use some kind of birth control method while you are receiving progestins in high doses. High doses of progestins are not recommended for use during pregnancy since there have been some reports that they may cause birth defects in the genitals (sex organs) of a male fetus. Also, some of these progestins may cause male-like changes in a female fetus and female-like changes in a male fetus, but these problems usually can be reversed. Low doses of progestins, such as those doses used for contraception, have not caused major problems when used accidentally during pregnancy.
Anyways:
Monday I went in for blood work. The nurse said that results would be back in a week. I was surprised when I got a call from Dr. M on Tuesday morning. Dr. M is very sweet, she has a british accent, I could listen to her talk all day. I LOVE british accents!!! Dr. M said that my results were normal, according to my blood I don't have PCOS... Okay then what do I do next? I'm still not pregnant. Dr. M says that she doesn't like to just give medication. That she believes that I am young and healthy and that she wants to rule out everything before she just gives me medication. So, Dr. M suggests ANOTHER blood test to check progestin levels.
So on the 14th, I have to go in a get my blood checked again. Because all these tests are about timing. One test has to be conducted on the 3rd day of "my time," and another test has to be conducted on the 21st day of "my cycle." Now, depending on this test will determine what the next plan of action is.
Honestly I am hoping that it is my progestin levels, the pills that come along with those are not as harsh on my body. They don't cause multiple babies. The side effects are not that bad.
Pregnancy
Progesterone, a natural hormone that the body makes during pregnancy, has not caused problems. In fact, it is sometimes used in women to treat a certain type of infertility and to aid in egg donor or infertility procedures.
Other progestins have not been studied in pregnant women. Be sure to tell your doctor if you become pregnant while using any of the progestins. It is best to use some kind of birth control method while you are receiving progestins in high doses. High doses of progestins are not recommended for use during pregnancy since there have been some reports that they may cause birth defects in the genitals (sex organs) of a male fetus. Also, some of these progestins may cause male-like changes in a female fetus and female-like changes in a male fetus, but these problems usually can be reversed. Low doses of progestins, such as those doses used for contraception, have not caused major problems when used accidentally during pregnancy.
Side Effects
Drug information provided by: Micromedex
Along with their needed effects, progestins used in high doses sometimes cause some unwanted effects such as blood clots, heart attacks, and strokes, or problems of the liver and eyes. Although these effects are rare, some of them can be very serious and cause death. It is not clear if these problems are due to the progestin. They may be caused by the disease or condition for which progestins are being used.
The following side effects may be caused by blood clots. Although not all of these side effects may occur, if they do occur they need immediate medical attention.
Get emergency help immediately if any of the following side effects occur:
Rare
- Symptoms of blood clotting problems, usually severe or sudden, such as:
- headache or migraine
- loss of or change in speech, coordination, or vision
- numbness of or pain in chest, arm, or leg
- unexplained shortness of breath
Check with your doctor as soon as possible if any of the following side effects occur:
More common
- Changes in vaginal bleeding (increased amounts of menstrual bleeding occurring at regular monthly periods, lighter vaginal bleeding between menstrual periods, heavier vaginal bleeding between regular monthly periods, or stopping of menstrual periods)
- symptoms of blood sugar problems (dry mouth, frequent urination, loss of appetite, or unusual thirst)
Less common
- Mental depression
- skin rash
- unexpected or increased flow of breast milk
Rare
Some side effects may occur that usually do not need medical attention. These side effects may go away during treatment as your body adjusts to the medicine. Also, your health care professional may be able to tell you about ways to prevent or reduce some of these side effects. Check with your health care professional if any of the following side effects continue or are bothersome or if you have any questions about them:
More common
- Abdominal pain or cramping
- bloating or swelling of ankles or feet
- blood pressure increase (mild)
- dizziness
- drowsiness (progesterone only)
- headache (mild)
- mood changes
- nervousness
- pain or irritation at place of injection site
- swelling of face, ankles, or feet
- unusual or rapid weight gain
Less common
- Acne
- breast pain or tenderness
- brown spots on exposed skin, possibly long-lasting
- hot flashes
- loss or gain of body, facial, or scalp hair
- loss of sexual desire
- trouble in sleeping
Not all of the side effects listed above have been reported for each of these medicines, but they have been reported for at least one of them. All of the progestins are similar, so any of the above side effects may occur with any of these medicines.
On another note, it's an answer. And I think that I could live with this one. Once again I ask for prayers. I ask for friendship. I also ask that you not ask me if I'm pregnant. I promise that if you ask I won't get upset, but I don't want to answer. I'm not struggling, I'm just waiting on answers!
Sunday, October 19, 2014
PCOS
Caution: This blog is TMI and not suitable for younger readers. You have been warned.
Going to the Doctor is NEVER a fun thing. They don't have a magic wand to make it instantly better, and there is no crystal ball that they can look inside to see what is going on without being invasive. You just want an answer, you don't want them to conduct a ton of test and still not know what the hell is going on with you. I, like many, want an EASY fix.. this is not the case!
Something has been off with my cycles, sometimes I miss "my time", sometimes I go a long time between "times", NEVER have I had my "times" come frequently... until about June of this year. I had my 1st double "time" in June of this year. I had "my time" the 30th of May until till the 3rd of June and then again the last week in June. July was okay but very light... August and September I have had double "time."
So, I was talking to a good friend that had trouble having kids for some advice, told her what had been going on, and asked what I should do. After some talk, she said that I should make a doctor's appointment. I did. But, I was not ready for what was going to be said at the doctor's office.
Dr. N, my new doctor, who is an older lady with a British accent asked if Dr. R. had talked to me about having Polycystic Ovary Syndrome...
Allow the crickets to chirp... my eyes to grow big... my hubby to look at my with questions in his eyes.. and me to exclaim "What??" To which Dr. N, says "Do you know what it is?" Again with the crickets. No I don't know what that is. Now I have to do some research. Dr. N. was kind enough to explain it to me, then she asked me to go into more detail about my "time" history if I could remember. She asked me if Dr. had put my on birth control, as this could help you make cycles more normal...No. Dr. N. said "Dr. R didn't tell you that you might have this?" No!! After much talk she asked me what I would like to do next, to be honest I don't know. Dr. N asked if I had researched Clomid? I have, plus working in the pharmacy I know some of how it works. I know that it greatly increases the chances of twins, while not always, but there should never be more than just twins. They do not know the long term effects of this and uterine cancer as this is a newer drug and women are not on it for long amounts of time. Dr. N said that she wanted to do another blood test..
Again with the crickets... You wanna take my blood again??? Haven't I had enough of this? Okay, Ill do it. Oh wait there's a catch.. you have to wait until you start again. Oh and the reason that we are doing this is because Dr. R did all the tests but one. (Thanks Dr. R. I appreciate you so Much! Um NOT!!)
And now I have to wait...I am going to be doing more research, and trying to do the normal thing. But damn it this is not easy.
By the way the Mayo Clinic defines Polycystic Ovary Syndrome as:
Going to the Doctor is NEVER a fun thing. They don't have a magic wand to make it instantly better, and there is no crystal ball that they can look inside to see what is going on without being invasive. You just want an answer, you don't want them to conduct a ton of test and still not know what the hell is going on with you. I, like many, want an EASY fix.. this is not the case!
Something has been off with my cycles, sometimes I miss "my time", sometimes I go a long time between "times", NEVER have I had my "times" come frequently... until about June of this year. I had my 1st double "time" in June of this year. I had "my time" the 30th of May until till the 3rd of June and then again the last week in June. July was okay but very light... August and September I have had double "time."
So, I was talking to a good friend that had trouble having kids for some advice, told her what had been going on, and asked what I should do. After some talk, she said that I should make a doctor's appointment. I did. But, I was not ready for what was going to be said at the doctor's office.
Dr. N, my new doctor, who is an older lady with a British accent asked if Dr. R. had talked to me about having Polycystic Ovary Syndrome...
Allow the crickets to chirp... my eyes to grow big... my hubby to look at my with questions in his eyes.. and me to exclaim "What??" To which Dr. N, says "Do you know what it is?" Again with the crickets. No I don't know what that is. Now I have to do some research. Dr. N. was kind enough to explain it to me, then she asked me to go into more detail about my "time" history if I could remember. She asked me if Dr. had put my on birth control, as this could help you make cycles more normal...No. Dr. N. said "Dr. R didn't tell you that you might have this?" No!! After much talk she asked me what I would like to do next, to be honest I don't know. Dr. N asked if I had researched Clomid? I have, plus working in the pharmacy I know some of how it works. I know that it greatly increases the chances of twins, while not always, but there should never be more than just twins. They do not know the long term effects of this and uterine cancer as this is a newer drug and women are not on it for long amounts of time. Dr. N said that she wanted to do another blood test..
Again with the crickets... You wanna take my blood again??? Haven't I had enough of this? Okay, Ill do it. Oh wait there's a catch.. you have to wait until you start again. Oh and the reason that we are doing this is because Dr. R did all the tests but one. (Thanks Dr. R. I appreciate you so Much! Um NOT!!)
And now I have to wait...I am going to be doing more research, and trying to do the normal thing. But damn it this is not easy.
By the way the Mayo Clinic defines Polycystic Ovary Syndrome as:
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common endocrine system disorder among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have enlarged ovaries that contain small collections of fluid — called follicles — located in each ovary as seen during an ultrasound exam.
Infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods, excess hair growth, acne, and obesity can all occur in women with polycystic ovary syndrome. In adolescents, infrequent or absent menstruation may raise suspicion for the condition.
The exact cause of polycystic ovary syndrome is unknown. Early diagnosis and treatment along with weight loss may reduce the risk of long-term complications, such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease.
I am a little scared about the heart disease. Losing weight is not a big deal. But would I be considered early diagnosis? I don't think so, considering I am almost 30. I pray that I don't have this, but then I pray that I do because I have a diagnosis and then I can be treated.
I can get pregnant, it just takes a lot more work. I just pray that something can be done. I pray that we will be able to at least of one child. We would like one of our own children. Please make sure that you are thankful for your babies, that if you got pregnant easy and that it was all easy, that you are thankful. That you say a word of thanks to whoever you believe in and however you believe. That if your baby was healthy, meaning came out crying, alive, 10 fingers and 10 toes..then be thankful.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
What really grinds my gears....
Disclaimer:
I'm Crystal, I'm a republican, I'm going to offend you, you might want to stop reading now. If you disagree with what I am going to say, in this state in my life you can do 2 things: Stop reading and Delete me!
I HATE election years. Not just Presidential election years, I hate any type of election. I have hated them since the 2006 election. Why?!?!? Because every year I hear the same thing on my TV: "Conservatives want to reverse Roe vs. Wade."......................................
Is that really all you have??? Is that really something that we are talking about right now?
F.U.C.K I.T.
Right now at this point in time that really pisses me off! Like to no end. Thank you lady on TV for reminding me again that some woman out there, not only was able to get pregnant, but then said woman can go out and end that pregnancy. Thank you. I really appreciate you! I also really hate you. Honestly, I have pure hate for you! I understand that there are medical reason, I understand you were rapped.
You were a fool and didn't wrap your tool, too bad for you, adoption.
You have too many kids already? Adoption
I don't think that this will ever be overturned. I am so sick over hearing this over and over. Right now, I just want to know hear about this. Right now I don't want to to be your friend or anything of that nature, if you are okay with this. Im not going to get over this!
I'm Crystal, I'm a republican, I'm going to offend you, you might want to stop reading now. If you disagree with what I am going to say, in this state in my life you can do 2 things: Stop reading and Delete me!
I HATE election years. Not just Presidential election years, I hate any type of election. I have hated them since the 2006 election. Why?!?!? Because every year I hear the same thing on my TV: "Conservatives want to reverse Roe vs. Wade."......................................
Is that really all you have??? Is that really something that we are talking about right now?
F.U.C.K I.T.
Right now at this point in time that really pisses me off! Like to no end. Thank you lady on TV for reminding me again that some woman out there, not only was able to get pregnant, but then said woman can go out and end that pregnancy. Thank you. I really appreciate you! I also really hate you. Honestly, I have pure hate for you! I understand that there are medical reason, I understand you were rapped.
You were a fool and didn't wrap your tool, too bad for you, adoption.
You have too many kids already? Adoption
I don't think that this will ever be overturned. I am so sick over hearing this over and over. Right now, I just want to know hear about this. Right now I don't want to to be your friend or anything of that nature, if you are okay with this. Im not going to get over this!
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
High School: 11 years later
High School: We all have to make it through... well not really we could quit and get a GED or quit altogether. Most of us at least go, I enjoyed my time in high school. I really had a lot of fun, I loved Friday night football games, band competitions on Saturday, Pep Band during the winter, Winter guard.. I even enjoyed school work. I wish that I was a better student, oh well.
Really this blog is not all about me talking about my high school experience, it is just a thought that I had while filling through the channels.
\
You know that you have seen this movie, infact if you born at the right time you probably quote it. And if you are still in high school, "On Wednesdays you wear pink." However, don't you wish that the girls in high school where actually like these "Mean Girls???"
In high school I was not a part of the "it-crowd," I had no desire to be. If they liked me, great. If the didn't, who cares. I tried to be nice to everyone, I don't know that I really achieved it. I wasn't bullied, a couple of people called me a slut, not sure why, but it was there. And I didn't have this grand idea that I would reinvent myself in college. I just wanted to enjoy my time, and then enjoy my time in college. I spent all four years of high school chasing the same boy, that would later become my husband (it was totally unintentional, that I met my husband when I was 13, but here we are.)
I do want to talk about "Mean Girls." THEY ONLY CHANGE A LITTLE BIT!! Honestly they do. They will facebook friend you so that they can spy on you. The ones that you think are not mean, that were just a part of that group and that maybe you can talk to, you reach out to them and they ignore you. They have talent, but even though you have left high school, they have no desire to be nice to you. It is beyond frustrating and annoying.
And so, You have to be the better one. You have to grow from the girl that you were in high school to someone different. You go to college with the same goal in mind. You grow up and get married to the boy in highschool. You get a good job and work really hard. And when those girls friend you on facebook you friend them. You like their photos, you talk to them. Why??? Because that is who you are. That is the nice person that you are. Then you write about them in a blog and keep them guessing. You aren't being mean. You never said anything bad, but you feel better when it is down on paper, and then you don't think about it. It is funny how it all works. So, the next time that you watch mean girls, remember; "On Wednesday's we wear Pink." Happy Hump Day!
Really this blog is not all about me talking about my high school experience, it is just a thought that I had while filling through the channels.
\You know that you have seen this movie, infact if you born at the right time you probably quote it. And if you are still in high school, "On Wednesdays you wear pink." However, don't you wish that the girls in high school where actually like these "Mean Girls???"
In high school I was not a part of the "it-crowd," I had no desire to be. If they liked me, great. If the didn't, who cares. I tried to be nice to everyone, I don't know that I really achieved it. I wasn't bullied, a couple of people called me a slut, not sure why, but it was there. And I didn't have this grand idea that I would reinvent myself in college. I just wanted to enjoy my time, and then enjoy my time in college. I spent all four years of high school chasing the same boy, that would later become my husband (it was totally unintentional, that I met my husband when I was 13, but here we are.)
I do want to talk about "Mean Girls." THEY ONLY CHANGE A LITTLE BIT!! Honestly they do. They will facebook friend you so that they can spy on you. The ones that you think are not mean, that were just a part of that group and that maybe you can talk to, you reach out to them and they ignore you. They have talent, but even though you have left high school, they have no desire to be nice to you. It is beyond frustrating and annoying.
And so, You have to be the better one. You have to grow from the girl that you were in high school to someone different. You go to college with the same goal in mind. You grow up and get married to the boy in highschool. You get a good job and work really hard. And when those girls friend you on facebook you friend them. You like their photos, you talk to them. Why??? Because that is who you are. That is the nice person that you are. Then you write about them in a blog and keep them guessing. You aren't being mean. You never said anything bad, but you feel better when it is down on paper, and then you don't think about it. It is funny how it all works. So, the next time that you watch mean girls, remember; "On Wednesday's we wear Pink." Happy Hump Day!
Monday, September 8, 2014
Anger & Frustration
The feeling of falling apart is something that I have been walking on the edge of for sometime. I want to say that I am happy, I am not depressed (that I know of), I am secure in my marriage, sometimes I want to pull my hair out at my job (don't we all)...
But, I am coming unglued. Things that I want so bad, I can't seem to have. Beyond that people lie, and beyond that family is the biggest culprit!
It is a fact: people lie!
If they say that they don't lie, they are lying. They say that they want to spend more time with you... on their terms. You ask them a question, they ignore you. Seriously, I am not trying to know every grave detail of your life, I just ask simple things. I guess that I need to stop expecting answers.
Another Fact: People that say they are "trying to have a baby" are already pregnant.
However, this does not apply to me! Yeah, you all think that you are being slick... you are so not. I mean come on... it can't be as simple as saying, "We are open for business again" and then by "magic" you are pregnant. If that is the case I would have 2 kids and life would be grand. I wouldn't be struggling, I wouldn't be going crazy. I wouldn't want to write all about this...
Fact 3: My job blows
As much as I like my job, it blows. This time or year without fail I am laid off. I have afternoon work, but it does not pay the bills. Am I the only one that panics? My boss does not seem to want to make something happen fast. Knowing that I like the school that I was working at, knowing that there is a small possibility that I could stay there. Knowing that this is my full time job, and I don't work other places. I mean come on. When I took this job, I said that I would only leave my other job if I was promised work. However, this is school year two where I am home in the day time. What the hell?!?!?! Hubber finished school, and is looking for a new job, but no one has called him either.
Fact 4: Just because you have a college degree, does not mean you will get hired when you graduate.
Here is something that you are told from the moment that you enter into higher education, once you graduate the possibilities are endless: this is the biggest LOAD OF SHIT that you will be told in your college career. That piece of paper does not mean you will land a job. It just means that you are teachable and moldable as an adult. That you are willing to do what it takes to get the job done. That is all that it means. Don't you wish that you would have saved all that money?? Yeah, me too. Oh yeah, It also won't mean that you will make more money. Cause some places that you work will not give you a raise...
Fact 5: (and the last one cause I like odd numbers) People will hate you, family members included.
This is something that we all have to get used to. And I used the word hate, because I mean it. People will hate you. Not just dislike, they will hate. You will walk into a room and their face will drop. They will give you fake hugs and make nice when needed, but all the while they could give two shits about you. They will know your struggles and they will laugh at them. No, they are not heartless, they just enjoy your pain. If they say they don't they are also lying. And family will make the biggest deal about this. They will not offer help. They know, and if they pretend they don't know... guess what they are lying.
I have done a lot of venting. I am trying to find some happy to the blog. It is making me feel better. But, it is hard to be happy when you can control things around you. I ask that as you are reading this that you pray. Yeah, I said a lot of bad words here, but I still believe in the power of a prayer. So pray for me... and keep reading :D
But, I am coming unglued. Things that I want so bad, I can't seem to have. Beyond that people lie, and beyond that family is the biggest culprit!
It is a fact: people lie!
If they say that they don't lie, they are lying. They say that they want to spend more time with you... on their terms. You ask them a question, they ignore you. Seriously, I am not trying to know every grave detail of your life, I just ask simple things. I guess that I need to stop expecting answers.
Another Fact: People that say they are "trying to have a baby" are already pregnant.
However, this does not apply to me! Yeah, you all think that you are being slick... you are so not. I mean come on... it can't be as simple as saying, "We are open for business again" and then by "magic" you are pregnant. If that is the case I would have 2 kids and life would be grand. I wouldn't be struggling, I wouldn't be going crazy. I wouldn't want to write all about this...
Fact 3: My job blows
As much as I like my job, it blows. This time or year without fail I am laid off. I have afternoon work, but it does not pay the bills. Am I the only one that panics? My boss does not seem to want to make something happen fast. Knowing that I like the school that I was working at, knowing that there is a small possibility that I could stay there. Knowing that this is my full time job, and I don't work other places. I mean come on. When I took this job, I said that I would only leave my other job if I was promised work. However, this is school year two where I am home in the day time. What the hell?!?!?! Hubber finished school, and is looking for a new job, but no one has called him either.
Fact 4: Just because you have a college degree, does not mean you will get hired when you graduate.
Here is something that you are told from the moment that you enter into higher education, once you graduate the possibilities are endless: this is the biggest LOAD OF SHIT that you will be told in your college career. That piece of paper does not mean you will land a job. It just means that you are teachable and moldable as an adult. That you are willing to do what it takes to get the job done. That is all that it means. Don't you wish that you would have saved all that money?? Yeah, me too. Oh yeah, It also won't mean that you will make more money. Cause some places that you work will not give you a raise...
Fact 5: (and the last one cause I like odd numbers) People will hate you, family members included.
This is something that we all have to get used to. And I used the word hate, because I mean it. People will hate you. Not just dislike, they will hate. You will walk into a room and their face will drop. They will give you fake hugs and make nice when needed, but all the while they could give two shits about you. They will know your struggles and they will laugh at them. No, they are not heartless, they just enjoy your pain. If they say they don't they are also lying. And family will make the biggest deal about this. They will not offer help. They know, and if they pretend they don't know... guess what they are lying.
I have done a lot of venting. I am trying to find some happy to the blog. It is making me feel better. But, it is hard to be happy when you can control things around you. I ask that as you are reading this that you pray. Yeah, I said a lot of bad words here, but I still believe in the power of a prayer. So pray for me... and keep reading :D
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