Have you ever been caught in a thought process, in which you can't escape? You keep having the same thought, but it is as if this thought exists in a different story line? Currently I am reading, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, in the story, not to give too much away, there are loops; A day that happens over and over again, however the day is only changed by little things, otherwise the same.
I have begun to feel this way. Like my days are all the same. The only thing different is small things, like what I have to eat or wear, otherwise all the same. My thoughts are much jumbled, and they are not coming out clear at all. I always try not to write/think/talk about my IVF journey on a daily basis, however I have to come to learn it is what it is. This is me now, and I really have to accept it.
So, here I am sitting at my computer at 9:30 at night, trying to do what I do best, dodge around the subject. When I should just do the other thing that I do best and talk about it. IVF round 2 starts tomorrow. Okay, it isn't a big step tomorrow, but it is headed in that direction. So, I wanted to rewind a little bit and just say some things that maybe I have left out, maybe I haven't. It is honestly hard to go back and reread what I have blogged about, some of it is super hard and other times, I just don't want to look at it.
Here it is: Please Press Rewind:
American Honey: I love the country group Lady Antebellum. On their 2nd album, they released a song called American Honey. I was all ears. The song just talked about a girl that grew up with simple things, I felt like it was a girl growing up outside playing, not a care in the world. And so, when I got married, it was the song that I used in our video. American Honey also seem like this sweet loving person, who was just looking for some love and growing. There you go, the name came and here we are, a year or so in. I lost count at some point with having to keep up with how many years that we have been working on this and how many years I have been writing about this.
UVA Reproductive Endocrinologists: for short RE. They are a weird/awesome/crazy/empathetic group of people. I am not sure if I have described them on here, so here goes.
Dr. Williams is a laid back man, probably in his 50's, who is very direct, however he leaves out some things. For example, in our first meeting he asks me to explain my cycles, so I let him know that at the start of my cycle I get a really bad headache/migraine, I let him know that sometimes they are debilitating, I can't get out of bed, or I feel the need to vomit all day long. Dr. Williams says, oh I know why, I'll tell you shortly. However, he forgets to tell me. And there is so much going on that I forget to ask him again.
Dr. Bateman is an older man, I'd say that he is easily in his 60's. Dr. B is super quiet, but explains everything. Dr. B also explains things to the point of where if he wants you to do something, you do it, sometimes without thinking. I like him, but not the best. I would take him over Dr. Williams any day. Because for one thing Dr. Williams smiles at you all the time, which could freak you out. But, when you are worried about growing embys in your body, and are hopeful that they are big and he is smiling at you telling you that they aren't, you forget how worried you are.
Dr. Smith is a lady, yep the only one besides the nurses in the entire practice. She is sweet, Dr. Smith is really stylish with her glasses and hair. Oh and if you really really want to know what she is doing, she tells you EVERYTHING. From the way the rubber bends on the plastic, to how open your tubes are. Dr. Smith is by far the nicest of the bunch, and usually you don't get to see her. I saw her 3 times. I was thankful each time, because I saw her when I thought my days were really really bad.
Bonnie, IVF coordinator; Bonnie is sweet, but it took me some time to bond with her. I am talking, that I went my entire first round and didn't really feel a connection with her. She was there one day, and I felt bad after I left, because I am pretty sure that I didn't talk to her the entire time that she was talking to me. (To redeem myself I have now talked to her twice this time around, and I find her calming, though I am really trying to figure out her accent as I don't know where she is from, and it bothers me!!)
Stephanie, IVF coordinator; Stephanie is loud, a fast talker, loves my Alex and Ani bracelets (she checks them out each time she takes my blood), she wears a flower in her side bun, and the kicker she is from... Pittsburgh. On the day that my embrys were put back in, in my valuum state, I told her that I wore my Steelers shirt just for her, right before I smacked into a wall and she had to guide me down to the room.
Wendy, nurse.. only remember her name because she took my blood almost every single day. Oh and I used to work with a kid with that name. Even though, I am not really sure if that is her name. She has curly hair and likes to talk a lot, and she apologizes when she hurts my arms. She gets lots of brownie points.
The lady that checks me out; takes my money, don't be dirty people. I have no idea what her name is. Honestly I don't even think that she looks at my paperwork, she knows that I paid. She just tells me, I'll see you tomorrow.
The Check in nurse, her name might be Pam. I am really not sure. When they took my embrys she was the one that helped me in and out. She kept trying to get me to eat after they took them. I wanted no part of food. She was however really nice, I did forget to tell her that one of the side affects that I have to anestha is crying on controllably when I wake up. She was really alarmed, and thought that I need food. I promised her that I was okay.
Magic Juice Anestha man; I have no idea what his name is. I told him that I was nervous and he had me out before I could get all that out. He is my BFF. I was out for the procedure and then I came home and was out for the rest of the day.
So that was my rewind: now here we are going to start round 2. I don't know what to think, because it looks like I will be on my own, no daily check ins. Just me and my shot guru; the hubs. Which he is going to have to teach people how to give me shots as he will be going out of town some of the time. I am going to try to take more pictures this time around. I promise no nudes. But here goes nothing!
Love and baby dust.
No comments:
Post a Comment