Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Welp

In a perfect world people wouldn't be so offended all the time.  But, seeing as it is not... well you get the picture.u k

First off, this is MY blog.  If you are offended then you don't have to read it.  Second, my intentions have always been the same to tell you about MY journey, to educate about infertility, and to be a voice for people who may not want to talk about it or just want to remain silent.  Third, I am a person, behind these keys I have thoughts feelings and emotions and sometimes my feelings get hurt.  

I have left facebook.  I haven't deleted it yet, because I haven't had the time to get all my photos off of it.  My photos are very important to me.  So until Mischa can get them for me it will be up, but I will no longer be signing in.  To me Facebook is on big fat joke.  It used to be a great way to network or keep in touch with people that are far away.  Now it is one big political mess and one big way to piss people off or hurt people.  I want no part of politics, I don't watch the news.  People are voted in and then a get on with my day.  I badly want to keep in touch with many people.  I want to see family photos and all you crazy pet parents.  But, I want no part of facebook anymore.  If I know you personally in some way, then I am okay with giving you my phone number and staying in touch that way.  Otherwise, I will be here.

I made a post on Instagram (and facebook) and at the time I was VERY upset.  Sometimes, I cannot deal with my emotions and I will post and just let things come out.  The back lash from that post was something that I was not expecting.  I take ownership of what I said.  Even though I acted, the intent behind it was something that I meant.  The delivery might not have been the best, but that is okay.  Incase you missed it, I said that I was going to delete anyone who didn't tell me about their pregnancy first.  Which I believe is my right.  If I am upset, then why can't I do that?  And then... people told me how I was supposed to feel.  How I was supposed to react.  Telling me that I can't tell people what to put where... However, aren't you telling me the same thing?  Yes.  

If you talk to me.  Meaning you private message me, or you chat on my posts.. isn't that you keeping in contact with me?  So then, why would you not say hey we are pregnant?  Do you think that I would say something awful?  Well here is the kicker, I'm not.  If you ask the 3 people that have had the kindness to do that to me, all of them will tell you that I was really excited for them.  And I really am.  I just need time.  Time to myself to process my feelings.  I have to greave for myself.  I have to figure out how I am going to deal with me.  And NONE of it has anything to do with you.  None of it.

I think that my post is one reason that many people remain silent about the fertility issues.  Because having to deal with the comments that people leave you that they feel is okay is half the battle.  People think that we are being dramatic, but the thing is we really don't know how to deal with any of this.  Infertility does not come with instructions.  And many people have many different reactions to it.  It isn't fair for some one to say that this is how you feel.  Sometimes we don't know how we feel.  I cried about a dozen times to the different ways that people were reacting to my post.  The shame that I was getting.  I really want to no defend myself.  And then I had one thought, I got into this publicly because I did not defend myself.  So I did just that.  

You can say what you want.  But, until you experience it you won't know how it feels.  I want to be supportive to whoever needs it.  I want to express to you that if you think that you are having a hard time starting your family then don't wait, please go and find out what is going on.  I also want to say that if you know someone, other than me, that is going through this some of the best things that you are do are: LISTEN, BE KIND, BE SUPPORTIVE and let them know that they are not alone.  Sometimes I feel really alone.  I KNOW that not everyone agrees with what I say.  I will say that until I am blue in the face.  That is NOT what is about.  But, I want you to be kind, and not just to me.  Before you type what you are typing in a response to what I am thinking, please THINK about how I MIGHT take it.  I don't want a sugar coat, I just want kindness.