I am not sure where to begin. I have not been blogging because I tend to upset people. (Generally that seems to be ALL I have been doing EVERY time I open up my mouth. Go me!!)
This blog was supposed to make me feel better about things. For a long time that is just the purpose that it served. Suddenly, when I became pregnant things shifted and got messy. (I am doing okay, just in case that needed to be said.) I don't want to upset anyone today. I just wanted to write down some thoughts and some updates.
I have truly started looking pregnant. My belly has been getting rounder, but recently it looks pregnant. It's interesting and unique for me. I have been comparing my stomach to others. I know that I shouldn't do that, but it is hard not too.
I have a false sense of time. I am not sure if my brain is going to catch up on this one. This also happened when I was planning for my wedding. I think that the time from July to October is longer than it is. One reason is because we change a season (going into my favorite one.) And another is I just think that there are more days than there really are. I am pretty good at planning things. But, I am slow at it. Because I always think that there is more time.
I still wake up daily in shock that this all worked out. I still pray every night that every thing will be okay. And I still pray that this will happen for people who are still waiting. I know that I should be over this. I get it. I understand that EVERYONE wants me to be over this. I just can't. Infertility is this ugly beast. Which is really hard to explain to people. You try for something for so long, and you fail at it for so long that you start thinking that nothing is real. I strongly believe that when she is here, and when she is in my arms I will breathe and know that it is all real. I am really trying.
We haven't named this baby. We are trying. But, we cannot come up with something that has stuck. (No suggestions please.) And no we still aren't sharing if we FINALLY find a name for her. We also want to see her. We know that all babies are born looking like potatoes. But, she has to have a feature that we will see and think: "Okay she looks like this." Don't rush it, we have a couple days in the hospital where we will have to name her.
I would love sleep. I would love to not have to get up every night and pee. I know that this is normal. But, I LOVE sleep. I'd also really love if my dogs would stop waking me up at 8 am. I know that the baby will wake me up all the time. So, I guess I should just part ways with sleep. Nice to know you!
I want to buy everything baby and then some and then some more. But, I know that I can't do that. But, I have a pretty good collection of things going right now.
One last thing and please don't be upset over this one. (I am a germ-o-phobe, like I hate shaking hands cause I have no idea where your hand has been.) Mischa and I want people to come and visit baby in the hospital, we also want you to come to our house to visit as well (please don't overwhelm us.) But, please follow a few things. If you have any type of cold, or you have had any type of stomach bug/flu/what have you please wait to come see us for a little bit. Babies don't have built up immune systems, and we are going into flu season, we just don't want her to be sick. Please wash your hands. And if we ask you to wash them again, please just do it. The best thing would be to walk into our room say a quick "Hi" find a sink and give them a good wash. Please don't kiss her face. I love all of you. Mischa and I will take all the hugs and kisses that you would like to give her. There will be lots of time for you to kiss her later on. Lets just skip it till she gets some good germ fighters built up. Don't stay all day. I think that there are limits to how long you can visit, and I know that everyone wants to come. So that everyone can, don't plan on staying all day. Remember that the 3 of us will need some rest too. We have pets, (if you plan to come to the house) and this is going to be an adjustment for them too. While me love flowers and candy (Mischa will take a beer, I'd like unsweet tea by the gallon), and any kind of food you want to bring. Please, Please, Please don't bring balloons. We will have to leave them at the hospital. Or pop them at our house. Only one of our dogs is okay with them. Our 70 pound boxer and our already stressed out cat, hate balloons. We want this transition to be smooth for them too. So please, bring us other gifts, if that is the plan. No balloons. Again I don't want to offend anyone, but we want to make this as smooth as possible. We love all of you. You're support as been amazing. We are so happy this this time is finally here. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
