Saturday, June 27, 2015

Answering your questions...

I wanted to post to answer everyone who has been asking about the appointment on Tuesday.  I know that a lot of you have been asking me and I haven't answered, sorry I am spinning right now.  I'm trying to catch up.  I'll get there, I promise.  

On Tuesday the 23rd, Hubby and I went down to UVA (actually it's the Martha Jefferson, which is on the backside of Charlottesville near Pan Top Mountain, near where we went to get our Boxer Baby...Charlottesville...Oh Charlottesville...), I didn't think to call my OBGYN before my appointment, (Okay, I keep asking myself over and over again why I didn't I could have saved myself some tears.. Okay really a melt down, but you get the point) we are just about there when I am in a little panic, because I don't actually know if we are headed in the right direction.  Hubby says too late now... we did go to the right place.  When we arrive they are busy, a office full of people (Hubby and I go to the same place for our tests, he could have his, I have to wait for a certain cycle day, yet again another thing my OBGYN has refused to tell me, why haven't I learned my lesson?!?!?!?!?), we are 3rd in line.  10 minutes before our appointment and 3rd in line... the people ahead of us are slow.  I think to myself we are going to miss this, I don't want to miss this, I was able to finally talk the Hubby into this and we are here please don't let me miss it.  We get up to the window and it feels like freaking forever...like a year has passed since we walked in.  The lady (who was by the way, extremely nice. I have had horrible not nice people lately, it was refreshing to have someone be nice!!), asks my name, I tell her that the appointment is not for me, but for my Hubby and give his name.  She says, you need to fill out these forms and Hubby needs ID, insurance card and copy for the orders from the doctor.  To which I explain that I asked that they be faxed here.

The lady at the desk pulls up Hubby's file and says no they are not here... this is where I feel like the wind has been sucked out of my body.  I ask if she is sure, and she says that she will check the fax que.  The lady at the desk asks my name, which I give to her as I bite my lip to try not to fall apart.  Hubby is trying to tell me, breathe it's okay.  And all I can think is we are not getting the test done today.  Lady at the desk says they are not here, your file is here but no orders....
I tell her, really??  and then I ask it again, and tell her I'm sorry I have had so much trouble with my OBGYN and I am going to cry...

Hubby goes into whatever he does when I fall apart, which is to get me away from whatever it is as fast as I can get it there.  (Let's just be honest when I have a melt down, it's a mess.  I'm not quiet, I have snot every where.  Everyone can hear me.  It is embarrassing, it is not pretty.  I really try not to, but I can't help it.)  Lady at the desk, again with the niceness says, it's okay we can do the test but you can't know the results till we get the orders.  To be honest I didn't hear much of this.  Not even a little bit, Hubby had to tell me, cause once I go into melt down mode I could sign my life away and not really know it.  I go grab a card as instructed by the lady at the desk (who told me this about 10 times), and I have a seat.  I'm trying not to make this bigger than it is.  Hubby comes over and hands me paper work, and then says calm down in the nicest way he can without seeming to be frustrated with me.  I calm enough to do paper work, and then him telling me that the test can still be done.

When he hands back his paper work, Hubby is instructed where to go and what to do.  I walk with him, I'm still on edge, I could still break.  I don't go into the room with Hubby, and I don't help him out.  Crying while he does what he needs to do, is not a good thing.  I walk out of the hospital and I decide that I am going to call them.  I also decide in my short walk, that I am going to switch OBGYN for good.  I am done with them.  I also decide to call and leave a really awful message.  I blame them for everything.  I always have to leave a message.  I don't expect a call back.  Why should I get one, I never get a call back.  They never treat me well, to them I am just a young woman who will eventually get pregnant and make them money.  I have decided that yes, I will eventually get pregnant, but I will not make them any money.  I will not use them.  I explain that I need to orders, that you never faxed them, that you never give me the right number and I am left on my own to do all of this.

2 hours later I get a call back.  I get a promise that as we are talking she is sending the orders.  I do not act happy on the phone.  I don't pretend that it is all okay.  But, I don't speak up like I really should.  I'm still on the edge of a complete melt down, and I don't want to have one outside the comfort of my home.  

So...

The results take 3 to 5 days...

The results were done on Friday...

I don't know them, my OBGYN still did not send the orders....

They know them, they were sent to my OBGYN on Friday....

I was not able to call, I went to work when they came off lunch...

They were on lunch when I wasn't at work....

I have to call them on Monday and try to get them...

I have to hope that the specialist makes appointments on the weekends, so that I can go...

I still feel like the world is preventing me from this...

I'm sorry that I don't have time to care about what is in the news, good, bad, or netural.  I can't do it, I won't do it.  I will watch cartoons, and write my blogs and hope that there is still some hope in me.  

29 days from today I will be 30.  I do not feel like I am any closer to my goal then when I started this month of June and goals.  

Currently I am feeling defeated.  I really want to go and yell and scream and punch someone in the face at the doctors.  I don't want to deal with them any more.  Please, Please, Please, send me good JuJu, and prayers, and whatever it is to make a good thing for me!!!!

Monday, June 22, 2015

MAD!

I know that the doctors think I'm joking, or that I have all the time in the world.  I am not either.  I no longer recommend Blue Ridge OBGYN.  (I don't know that I really did in the first place.)  I don't think that I should have to bounce around the practice to different doctors to get to the bottom line of this.  So I am going to bounce right out of the office.  How many times is this doctors office not going to take the blame for something that they are clearly doing???  They gave me the wrong number, they didn't schedule my appointment.  They didn't tell me that I had to have this done at a certain time.  They didn't say that they would just fax my stuff when I made the appointment.  So they can kiss my ass!!!!!   I get it I'm young, but this is not fun any more.  This is torture.   This has become a heart breaking journey.  This has become one where I think a million different things are wrong with me.  Where many different people have given advice, and tried to tell me that I'm doing "it" wrong.  

Tomorrow is the day and I just pray for an answer.  Although it is not a complete work up (I cannot have my procedure until a certain day of my cycle, something that me doctor neglected to tell me).  But, it might be something that will get us further in the right direction.  

When someone asks me about things, I tend to become aggravated again.  I really want to say; "Have you heard the news?  I'm still NOT pregnant."  Then I want to walk away.  I also have a flip side to this, when people ask me about it, I tend to have word vomit and give every.single.detail.  Someone at my new job asked me why I wasn't in a great mood, and it just poured out.  I couldn't stop it.  All I could think about was, stop, why do you keep talking, why aren't you stopping, why are you still going??  There was no one to save me.  So she heard almost all the story.  My new job also must not have a lot of gossip, because no one talked to me about it the next day, or the ones after that.  Which is really nice.

So, tomorrow is the day.  We had down to UVA and we get a piece of the puzzle.  If all goes well, it might be the only thing that we need.  If not we will be headed down next month for my turn with procedures.  

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Im gonna do it.

Leaving my job in child care has been the best thing I have done in a long time.  (I am still willing to help out friends, but those days are over.)

Most of the time when I set my mind to something, I do it.  (Minus the fact that I have never seemed to be able to stop drinking sodas, and I am not a teacher.)  When things were going bad at the child care facility, I began looking for jobs.  I decided that I was worth more than a job that wanted me to work with my own vomit in my hair, and then turned around and took the time away from me.  I decided that I was worth more than someone calling me a loser, or that I was lazy for not completing a bulletin board that I still had time to do.  I wanted to be worth my education, and I wanted to work somewhere where I could have time for myself and the things that I needed to do.  I looked for other jobs.  I found another job, and I love this job.  This is my career, (however if you would like to submit my blog to a book deal or somewhere to make money, I can do that too!!)

I have been putting off going to the Dr since February.  Since February, I have thought and believed that I would be pregnant.  This is not the case.  I spent most of April and May playing phone tag with my Dr.  No one in the office could give me the information that I needed, and I was on lunch when they were.  They gave me the wrong number, which I called.  When I called this number (we will call the lady, "devil lady," cause omg she was rude) devil lady asked what I needed.  I explained that I needed to have a uterine dye test done (not remembering or knowing what the technical term for it was) and that my husband needed a seamen analsys.  Devil lady asked if I was a patient of Dr Evans, I explained that I wasn't and that I had an OBGYN.  Devil lady was like Dr Evans won't sign off for you to have this done unless you are his patient.  At this point I am more than angry.  I explain the whole thing again, and I let her know for maybe the 1000th time that I have a husband, that this is not something I'm just trying to do.  Devil lady gets more angry with me and says that she will email Dr Evans  and call me back.  I hung up.

When I finally got a hold of my OBGYN, (new nurse lady we shall call her demon lady) Demon Lady listens to what I have to say and then tells me that they NEVER give the wrong number.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  Demon lady explains that she doesn't know what number I have but this is the number to Dr Bateman and Dr Williams and we give this out all the time.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  So I get angry, I explain one last time.  I tell Demon lady the number, and she is like well you wrote it down wrong.  NO Demon Lady I did not.  I didn't write it someone in your office did, and if I could come in, I would show it to you.  Demon lady is trying to hurry me off the phone.  I gladly hang up because I have had more than enough.

I am now left with a phone number and and option.  Hubby and I have been trying to weigh it all out.  We are trying to decide what is best for us, and it has been tough.  What we have decided is that we are going to change insurance to my job.  And we are going to have the procedure done, but after that we are going to go to a different OBGYN.  We have had enough of this.  You would think that Drs who are in the business of bringing more people in the world would be more helpful to someone who is trying to bring/create another person.  I have almost hit the 2 year mark in this and I am more than ready to be a mommy.  I'm not saying that I am going to be great at it.  But I am going to try hard.  I will make mistakes, but I will be so grateful for that little person.  I still have the disclaimer that if you are a part of my family and you have a baby that if you steal my kids name I am still going to name them the name, so look out.  So far only one has, and I love little "A."  Happy June!!!!!