I now have a third song that makes me cry. I listen to this one all the way through. It's called "Mom" by Garth Brooks. It's about a baby that is scared to come down because God is already taking such good care of him (they use him in the general term, not as in a boy). This is a hard song.
My hubby doesn't believe the way I do, there are times when I get really really bothered by it. I am accepting to the fact that he sees things different from me. I have to admit as a crazy young 20 something my faith wavered a few times. As a preteen when my great grandma died, my faith was really tested. God, didn't answer my prayers and I was angry. I have always had faith though, I am not the Duggar type believer, (if you don't know who the Duggar's are, they are the crazy religious family that has 19 kids, and will not stop having them until either God intervenes or it is medically unsafe. They have stopped having kids and are on to grandkids now. I have always liked that show, because I thought that it was brave of them to come on tv and show their beliefs and get criticized for it. If only everyone was that brave.) and I am not really the type that goes to church every Sunday, though if I found the right church I would probably attend, (please DON'T leave me comments about how great your church is and that I should come, it would be hard for me to do so. I'm just not looking to join a church right now.) I am more of the person that believes that there is someone out there that knows more about your life than you do, and has some things planned out for you, you just have to choose that route. Getting back to the Hubby and I, I sometimes believe that God is punishing me for the Hubby not believing. I hope that he doesn't work that way. But, sometimes I feel that way. My Hubby is not a horrible person, he is really passionate about how he feels about things, he is kind to people and animals, I would not trade him for anything or anyone. Sometimes, I just want him to believe, and pray with me. But, I cannot make him and I have to be okay with that, and I am.
My journey is not easy, I take it day by day. Some days I am really okay, some days I am really lying when I say that I am okay. I do know which days those are, and I really try to stay positive. It is really hard for me to be around women that are pregnant, I have bump envy, (is that a really thing???) I look at them and think, "Why them, why not me?" (another song "Why not me" by The Judds, great song!). I also get extremely irritated with people who complain about their kids, okay I get it, it's not all roses and sunshine.... but when you complain all the time. What did you expect? Are you basing your kids on someone elses? I'm sure that you are not seeing the full picture. Also, I really don't like when people ask if the Hubby and I are okay, he is totally fine. Sure, some of this is hard on him, but mainly it is hard on me. He isn't bothered by a bump that walks by him, he doesn't have many female friends on facebook, and I really think that he doesn't pay attention to all that. Which is fine, and makes him okay. But, me not so much. Ladies at work as me all the time, and I have been reluctant to share, I have told one person, as far as I know she hasn't shared. So, I am going to end this blog with the song lyrics to "Mom," please enjoy and try not to cry.