Thursday, October 29, 2015

Happy Anniversary and thoughts on the day...

4 Years Ago:

This Happened.  (To be fair I forgot about this picture.  I do really like this one.  Guess I need to get to work on getting this one up, somewhere and framed!!)

What a ride it has been for 4 years.  And there are days that I feel like this day just happened.  I'm ready for whatever is next.  

So Today, I set out to get somethings accomplished in the baby department.  I have been doing some research trying to find a good place to go.  I finally decided on the one that I was going to go to.  And wouldn't you know when I called and they (she, whoever) answered the phone....I was highly disappointed.  (Shocker! Not!!!)  I really thought that when you called any Doctor's office, specialist or no, that when they answer they are supposed to be confirming the place you called??  That was red flag number one.  I also thought that they were supposed to ask how the could help you??  Red Flag number two.  And if those weren't enough the lady asked me for my number and said that the lines were too busy and that she was going to call me back, after I had explained myself 3 times.  Red flag number three, and me being done.  Yeah she called me back.  But I did not answer.  I did the best thing I could think of.  I called my OB's office and asked from them to recommend someone for me.  I'm not playing games.

To much of my dismay, I'm really more nervous about this than I have been about most of this journey.  There is so much that I can't answer.  So much that I can't control (and if you know me, I really like to be in control of things that I can actually control, so then I become an anxious wreck, Yay go me!!!).  I have been waiting to make this call.  Trying to buy some time.  I have been looking for places that looked: clean, had good reviews, and the Dr's picture looked okay (aka not a creeper).  And while all that might not matter to anyone else, they matter to me.  BECAUSE: I can control some of them.  

In this next phase, for me there is too much what if.  The biggest what if: What if there is nothing that can be done, where do I go after that.  What do I do after that??  
The next one: How much debt am I going to go in?  What if this doesn't work, the first time?  Statistically, logically... look at all that stuff....   the very first time doesn't work.  That is not an odd or number that I like to play with.  I want the "odds to be ever in your favor."  So how much money am I willing to spend before I say enough is enough?  
Moving on: How much pain is this going to be?  Am I going to have to lay in bed for days?  (I am willing too.)  Is this going to hurt as much as childbirth?  No one can answer that because everyone's pain tolerance is different.  (Sign me up right there.)  

AND  I know that everyone is going to be just do it.  Move this along.  Not your body.  Not your mind.  My grandma asked me; "What if there is no baby after all of this.  What if they tell you that you won't have one, what are you going to do.  You will be out of money and no baby."  I laughed and told her half joking, "I'll get another boxer."  It is the safest answer that I know.  She laughed, and I know that she didn't like it.  So then she asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I told her a gift card for clothes and a baby.  Granny then told me that she wasn't putting up a tree then, because there wouldn't be anything for me to open.  And I said that Christmas wasn't always about me.  And she explained that she couldn't give me a baby.  So I asked what she wanted and she said a baby.  (Gee Thanks!!)  It's what everyone wants and I can't deliver.  I am trying.  I really am trying.  

So as this next phase begins to unfold, please say a prayer for me.  I am not as brave as I seem.  I'm not as fierce as I come across.  I am a nervous wreck, and I just want a simple answer that will please me and everyone else.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Great Pink Debate (On National no bra day!!)

I have heard a ton of things about wearing pink in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness.  Some of them are just people talking and some are advocating, others are the political side of the coin.  And I know that we all have opinions and thoughts about this.  

Fact: ALL women have breasts!

However you see this, weather you believe that God created us all, or we are a product of the big bang... all women have them.  We cannot deny that they are there.  Look around, the lady next to, your friend at work.  Boobies are real, they are not something that men made up to play with and sexualize.  

Fact: Men can get breast cancer too.

The man you love and adore, your dad, grandpa, uncle... the neighbor that shovels you out of the snow storm.  They can all get breast cancer.  This is not a women's disease.  

Fact: Wearing pink is only promoting/reminding women and men to get a breast exam and perform self checks. 

Unless you are buying your pink from Susan G. Komen, or some other organization, you are not sponsoring anyone when you wear pink.  When I was in college people thought that I was crazy when I had a breast cancer awareness program and then I made a board with steps to breast health.  I'm not crazy.  I had my residents in on this, they were thinking about this.  People in their 20's are impressionable, and if you can get them thinking, they will roll with it.  I'll be the one to paste boobies anywhere to get people's attention about breast health.  

Fact: Our numbers are down. 

According to the American Cancer Society, Breast cancer is no longer the leading cause of deaths in women.  And why do you think that is???   

Because we are reminded of breast health.  We take month and hit it hard.  We don't listen to people who tell us not to wear pink or that we are attacking this political thing or that.  Breast health should not be political, it should not be something that you are for or against.  

Everyone has something that they are passionate about.  A cause, a view, a political viewpoint, something.  Be let your voice be heard.  Don't stop!  And get ya boobies checked!!!