Such a funny title...
But here goes nothing...
So, long ago I stuck my "feelers" out in the world. When I made it public that Mike and I were trying to have a baby (Emilia is here, we aren't trying now.. stop with that!!) and I wanted to make it public, so that I could find people that had this in common. It was hard, probably more frighting than going through infertility treatments... But, I did it. And here we are.
I have often felt alone in this journey. I know that there are more of us out there. But, sometimes we bond, and sometimes we don't. And then sometimes you make the bond and suddenly it's over and you are alone again. And then sometimes someone will support you, but won't support someone else doing the same thing. And you are alone again.
I put my "feelers" on paper this time, instead of out there for whoever to see. Why, am I saying this? Because, this time I feel bad about them. This time, I'm not looking for the common ground.
I know that I can be mean sometimes. I know that I come off harsh. But, I think that it is more guarded. For a long time, I didn't know what to do. There were more Dr's appointments than I had ever been too. There was more blood coming out of my body, and I wasn't sure if I was making enough to keep up. I was tired. I wanted to lay down on the couch and just stay there. I wanted to stay at home with my dogs. I just wanted to be me again.
I want to be the me without infertility. I want it to go away. (Not just for myself, but for others!!) I don't talk about it much. I try not to. But, for ANYONE reading this, what wants to talk about it... I'm here. I want to not have to take break from social media and being in contact with people, just to keep my sanity. I think people have forgotten how this whole thing changed my life. Which is great, but at the same time I am still sensitive to some things. Sometimes, I don't even know what I am sensitive to them. It isn't like I don't have this beautiful little girl running around the house! (I'll keep her!!!) So, before I get people all pissy... let me talk about that beautiful little thing.
I plan on making an 18 month update, but because I might not get to fit it all in, I will add it here.
I have heard a lot that Emilia is feisty. And I LOVE it. That is a really good way to describe her! She loves to roar, like a dinosaur, which she has been doing since her 10 month birthday. She chews on ice, I know that I did that a lot when I was younger, but I am not sure I did this young. She will NEVER pass up on a tomato, strawberry, mac and cheese, veggie straws, or Mcdees french fries (which she does NOT get a lot). She will sometimes hold her finger up and say 1. "If you're happy and you know," "Patty Cake," "Peekaboo," and giving lovings to the dogs are her favorite games. She also likes to clap her hands for "yay!" dance (The Backstreet Boys and Bob Sager are her faves) and throw up her hands for "touch down." We are currently reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to her. But, she LOVES any book, and if the books have things to touch and pull or push she is in heaven. She can float, kick her feet, and blow bubbles in the pool! She LOVED dance/tumbling class (She bonded with Ms Sara right away!!!) she can't wait to go back. Finally, she is 100% a Daddy's girl. This isn't to say that she doesn't love me. But, Emilia will follow Mike around all day. Most of her kisses go to her Daddy. When he comes home from work (right now he is working from home) she will yell "Hi Daddy, Hi Daddy!!" And sometimes he can't walk to her first enough.
I am so glad that she is my baby. Yes I still call her my baby. I probably will forever!!!
Friday, March 20, 2020
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Growth
There is a quote floating around the inter webs about growing at different rates. Or is it popping pop corn and not all of it pops? Yeah, shows you how much I pay attention.
17 months...
This time 2 years ago (March 8th 2018, to be exact) we had our first visit with the OB to fully confirm that we were pregnant. Mike and I weren't really going to share the news with many people other than family, and we didn't get to tell most of them. We were shocked... this day would be a yes. There that baby was.. the most beautiful tiny, little thing I have ever seen. Our first positive tests of any time. We did it.
Fast forward to now. I still can't believe that Emilia is real. Daily I have to pinch myself. And sometimes I don't think that we actually did it. That I went through shots, and a C-section. But, she is here.
Let me talk about her for a little bit. I want to give an 18 month update, but that has to wait until the end of the month. So, hopefully she does more by then! Emilia LOVES Dance. Music on the TV, in the car, you name it she is going to dance. So we are enrolled in a dance/gymnastics class. We have only had one class, so time will tell on where this is going. Mike and I wanted Emilia to have a water safety class. We like to swim and go to the beach, so it was naturally something we thought to do. Honestly, I didn't think that Emilia was going to get much from it. When we started she was 15 months old. We also thought that she might be the oldest in the class (turns out there is a boy who is 1 month older than her.) Emilia LOVES swimming. She can float on her back, blow bubbles, kick her feet to move, and she is really close to holding her breath to go under. It is crazy what she picks up on and how fast she does it. Her last swim class level 1 is this week, and then we will move on to level 2. I'm not sure if we will break or go to level 3.
Emilia has always been a babbler. From the time she knew how to do it at 3 months, she really hasn't stopped. I'm hoping that more words come quicker. Because now she is getting frustrated that we don't know all of what she is trying to say.
My girl is tall. So, I upgraded her pants to 18 months. Her swim suits are also 18 months. But, swim suits run small. Most of the pants are too big in her tummy. But, still a little long. I think that her growth is stabilizing a little bit. She is also becoming picky on her foods. Sometimes, she will not eat what we have. Sometimes, she decides that she only wants one thing that we are eating (always a fruit or veggie and she NEVER turns down fries.) She likes most foods, but when she doesn't like something she will through it up. Drama Queen for sure.
Okay, the rest I am going to leave for a 18 month update!
17 months...
This time 2 years ago (March 8th 2018, to be exact) we had our first visit with the OB to fully confirm that we were pregnant. Mike and I weren't really going to share the news with many people other than family, and we didn't get to tell most of them. We were shocked... this day would be a yes. There that baby was.. the most beautiful tiny, little thing I have ever seen. Our first positive tests of any time. We did it.
Fast forward to now. I still can't believe that Emilia is real. Daily I have to pinch myself. And sometimes I don't think that we actually did it. That I went through shots, and a C-section. But, she is here.
Let me talk about her for a little bit. I want to give an 18 month update, but that has to wait until the end of the month. So, hopefully she does more by then! Emilia LOVES Dance. Music on the TV, in the car, you name it she is going to dance. So we are enrolled in a dance/gymnastics class. We have only had one class, so time will tell on where this is going. Mike and I wanted Emilia to have a water safety class. We like to swim and go to the beach, so it was naturally something we thought to do. Honestly, I didn't think that Emilia was going to get much from it. When we started she was 15 months old. We also thought that she might be the oldest in the class (turns out there is a boy who is 1 month older than her.) Emilia LOVES swimming. She can float on her back, blow bubbles, kick her feet to move, and she is really close to holding her breath to go under. It is crazy what she picks up on and how fast she does it. Her last swim class level 1 is this week, and then we will move on to level 2. I'm not sure if we will break or go to level 3.
Emilia has always been a babbler. From the time she knew how to do it at 3 months, she really hasn't stopped. I'm hoping that more words come quicker. Because now she is getting frustrated that we don't know all of what she is trying to say.
My girl is tall. So, I upgraded her pants to 18 months. Her swim suits are also 18 months. But, swim suits run small. Most of the pants are too big in her tummy. But, still a little long. I think that her growth is stabilizing a little bit. She is also becoming picky on her foods. Sometimes, she will not eat what we have. Sometimes, she decides that she only wants one thing that we are eating (always a fruit or veggie and she NEVER turns down fries.) She likes most foods, but when she doesn't like something she will through it up. Drama Queen for sure.
Okay, the rest I am going to leave for a 18 month update!
Thursday, February 27, 2020
WTF
What in the heck!!!
So, I might have been in the wrong on some of this.. But, hear me out!
Emilia has swim on Thursday nights. I knew when I signed up that it was going to be a difficult adjustment for her, because typically she is either laying down or asleep by 8 or 8:30 every night. We are strict on bedtime, she needs her sleep and she needs routine. I DID try to sign up for the Sunday morning swim, but it was full. So, here we are Thursdays at 5:50 swimming.
This also happens to be dinner time. So, usually Emilia will have a snack before class. Sometimes, right after she will have a snack in the car. And we rush off to dinner. Typically we have dinner at Foster's Grill or Fire House Subs, they are both pretty quick with food. Foster's is pretty loud, and while Fire House is quiet, there aren't many people in there, so it isn't a big deal that we have a 17 month old with us.
Emilia is pretty well behaved when we go out. She really likes to look around at new faces, interact with the staff, and if fries and tomatoes are involved she is one happy girl. I am not saying that she doesn't ever act up, I am just saying that she enjoys going out.
If you have never had a meal out with a kiddo younger than 3 you may need me to catch you up. So, here you go. Most of the time, Emilia will sit. Like all kids, she is interested in the world around her. She can sometimes get pretty loud. But, young kids eat and then it is time to explore, or get the heck out of Dodge. Now, when you are at home... you kid will take hours to eat. Or mine eats slow.
Tonight was the exception! I wanted to go to another restaurant. I have been wanting Mexican food. So, while I don't really like El Agve, that is where we headed. It took a while to seat us, and while we were over dinner time, I thought that we could make it. I had packed a pouch for Emilia to eat, and we broke up some chips for her. We were doing pretty well, until our food got there. Mike ordered this 3 combo dinner thing, and I ordered shrimp nachos. I forgot that, my nachos didn't come with tomatoes, shredded cheese, and typical nacho things. I was in a panic. Emilia loves to share food with Mike and Me. And I didn't get anything she could share. Mike had some taco meat in his food, and I found some tomatoes and soft chips. So while it took a hot minute to find things for her. We got it done.
But, Emilia got restless. She began to throw food on the floor. And then the squealing started. The first squeal was ok, we redirected her attention to other things, some other snacks, ice... and then another. AND then a look from a lady in the corner. I brushed it off the first time. Thinking that she only looked up because Emilia was loud. Then Emilia dropped her ice cube on the floor... and then she cried. Not her cute cry, her I'm upset and over this cry. And then the eye roll from said lady.
So, by this point I have given up on my dinner. And it is all about making Emilia happy. So I ask Mike to take her out of the high chair, to see if that will make her happy. However, she then wants me. I just wanted to finish my 2nd glass of tea. (I LOVE TEA and have given up Soda till Easter!) So, I have Mike hand me Emilia across the table. I am trying to also finish my tea. But, then her little hand goes into my glass. So, I decide to make her happy I will let her play with my empty ice filled cup. She is a happy camper for a few minutes. And then, tears all over again. By this point the lady in the corner is flat out staring me down. I am praying that out waitress will come back and we can get the check and leave. I am also hoping that Emilia doesn't have another melt down. I quickly try to get Emilia's coat on, and try to rush out the door, without my coat. I did apologize to the family behind us, because Emilia was throwing food in their direction. That lady (who was not giving me harsh looks, said that it was okay and she understood) was nice.
What I should have done and almost did, was point out to the entire room that this lady was giving me looks and rolling her eyes at me. I was trying to feed my tiny human and make her happy. What I should have done was yell at this lady, make a huge mess and walked out. I also should have said something about how bad this lady treated the waitress, even though she had nothing to do with how my child was acting. I didn't do any of these. I walked away with a screaming child and my tail between my legs.
I think that people forget that this tiny human, is just that a tiny human. The world is new to her. Taking her out of her schedule is heart breaking to her. While she LOVES swim, she still wants to be fed and in her bed on time and by 8pm. She is still learning how to do things and behave. And this bull shit of children should be seen and not heard is just that, bull shit. I would also like to know when it became okay to stare at people for their wrong doings? Did social media allow this? If so, I'm out! Seriously. Mike and I didn't touch our phones at all at dinner. We didn't even hand Emilia our phones. And we don't. She knows that they are used to call people. And that is it. But, we don't give them to her at meal time. Not at home not out. We try hard to occupy her time with talk and other things. But, I am sure that if I gave her my phone tonight, the lady would have rolled her eyes at me even more. I am sure that I did nothing right. It's all fine with me. But, it is very rude.
All mom's are just trying to raise good humans. I don't think any mom wants any different. But, we have to stop this shamming. It's not fair, and it is not right. I am sure, that I am guilty of doing it to someone. For, that I feel awful. I'm an asshole. Lesson learned, it fucking sucks. Seriously! Maybe, I should have taken Emilia to the car sooner. But, she wasn't done eating. Maybe I shouldn't have given her ice, but she does like it. Maybe, I should have went to Foster's or Fire House. Lesson learned, stick with what you know. Lots of lessons learned, lots more to come. This mom thing is hard. Hats off to the been there, done that. You should have a medal, gold star, highest honer. All of the above. Now, I'm an hour past my bed time and I am just hoping that there are not too many miss spellings and grammar errors. Peace Out!
So, I might have been in the wrong on some of this.. But, hear me out!
Emilia has swim on Thursday nights. I knew when I signed up that it was going to be a difficult adjustment for her, because typically she is either laying down or asleep by 8 or 8:30 every night. We are strict on bedtime, she needs her sleep and she needs routine. I DID try to sign up for the Sunday morning swim, but it was full. So, here we are Thursdays at 5:50 swimming.
This also happens to be dinner time. So, usually Emilia will have a snack before class. Sometimes, right after she will have a snack in the car. And we rush off to dinner. Typically we have dinner at Foster's Grill or Fire House Subs, they are both pretty quick with food. Foster's is pretty loud, and while Fire House is quiet, there aren't many people in there, so it isn't a big deal that we have a 17 month old with us.
Emilia is pretty well behaved when we go out. She really likes to look around at new faces, interact with the staff, and if fries and tomatoes are involved she is one happy girl. I am not saying that she doesn't ever act up, I am just saying that she enjoys going out.
If you have never had a meal out with a kiddo younger than 3 you may need me to catch you up. So, here you go. Most of the time, Emilia will sit. Like all kids, she is interested in the world around her. She can sometimes get pretty loud. But, young kids eat and then it is time to explore, or get the heck out of Dodge. Now, when you are at home... you kid will take hours to eat. Or mine eats slow.
Tonight was the exception! I wanted to go to another restaurant. I have been wanting Mexican food. So, while I don't really like El Agve, that is where we headed. It took a while to seat us, and while we were over dinner time, I thought that we could make it. I had packed a pouch for Emilia to eat, and we broke up some chips for her. We were doing pretty well, until our food got there. Mike ordered this 3 combo dinner thing, and I ordered shrimp nachos. I forgot that, my nachos didn't come with tomatoes, shredded cheese, and typical nacho things. I was in a panic. Emilia loves to share food with Mike and Me. And I didn't get anything she could share. Mike had some taco meat in his food, and I found some tomatoes and soft chips. So while it took a hot minute to find things for her. We got it done.
But, Emilia got restless. She began to throw food on the floor. And then the squealing started. The first squeal was ok, we redirected her attention to other things, some other snacks, ice... and then another. AND then a look from a lady in the corner. I brushed it off the first time. Thinking that she only looked up because Emilia was loud. Then Emilia dropped her ice cube on the floor... and then she cried. Not her cute cry, her I'm upset and over this cry. And then the eye roll from said lady.
So, by this point I have given up on my dinner. And it is all about making Emilia happy. So I ask Mike to take her out of the high chair, to see if that will make her happy. However, she then wants me. I just wanted to finish my 2nd glass of tea. (I LOVE TEA and have given up Soda till Easter!) So, I have Mike hand me Emilia across the table. I am trying to also finish my tea. But, then her little hand goes into my glass. So, I decide to make her happy I will let her play with my empty ice filled cup. She is a happy camper for a few minutes. And then, tears all over again. By this point the lady in the corner is flat out staring me down. I am praying that out waitress will come back and we can get the check and leave. I am also hoping that Emilia doesn't have another melt down. I quickly try to get Emilia's coat on, and try to rush out the door, without my coat. I did apologize to the family behind us, because Emilia was throwing food in their direction. That lady (who was not giving me harsh looks, said that it was okay and she understood) was nice.
What I should have done and almost did, was point out to the entire room that this lady was giving me looks and rolling her eyes at me. I was trying to feed my tiny human and make her happy. What I should have done was yell at this lady, make a huge mess and walked out. I also should have said something about how bad this lady treated the waitress, even though she had nothing to do with how my child was acting. I didn't do any of these. I walked away with a screaming child and my tail between my legs.
I think that people forget that this tiny human, is just that a tiny human. The world is new to her. Taking her out of her schedule is heart breaking to her. While she LOVES swim, she still wants to be fed and in her bed on time and by 8pm. She is still learning how to do things and behave. And this bull shit of children should be seen and not heard is just that, bull shit. I would also like to know when it became okay to stare at people for their wrong doings? Did social media allow this? If so, I'm out! Seriously. Mike and I didn't touch our phones at all at dinner. We didn't even hand Emilia our phones. And we don't. She knows that they are used to call people. And that is it. But, we don't give them to her at meal time. Not at home not out. We try hard to occupy her time with talk and other things. But, I am sure that if I gave her my phone tonight, the lady would have rolled her eyes at me even more. I am sure that I did nothing right. It's all fine with me. But, it is very rude.
All mom's are just trying to raise good humans. I don't think any mom wants any different. But, we have to stop this shamming. It's not fair, and it is not right. I am sure, that I am guilty of doing it to someone. For, that I feel awful. I'm an asshole. Lesson learned, it fucking sucks. Seriously! Maybe, I should have taken Emilia to the car sooner. But, she wasn't done eating. Maybe I shouldn't have given her ice, but she does like it. Maybe, I should have went to Foster's or Fire House. Lesson learned, stick with what you know. Lots of lessons learned, lots more to come. This mom thing is hard. Hats off to the been there, done that. You should have a medal, gold star, highest honer. All of the above. Now, I'm an hour past my bed time and I am just hoping that there are not too many miss spellings and grammar errors. Peace Out!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)