Saturday, February 14, 2015

I'm glad that I have a camp that rallies around me

I am thankful for you who ever you are, that is reading this and praying and rallying around me.  I also want to say Happy Valentine's day!  However, I have lost hope.  I see how easy it is for most people, and the fact that we have worked so hard on this, just makes it even worse.  I can handle the fact that this is the plan, that this won't happen.   But, it is so hard to admit.  

It is funny how the keys on my keyboard and my fingers are better at expressing my thoughts and feelings than I am.  It's like I can talk, and there is no one there to say something back, or to come up with this grand suggestion on how it will all work out.  Or something to try or take or this or that.  My thoughts are all jumbled, this might not make any sense, oh well it's my blog and you are still reading it I guess.

I'm not going to say "we" because the Hubby is not taking anything, so he doesn't get to get included in that aspect.  I finished my last round that the OBGYN will allow of progesterone, without further testing. And honestly, I don't know that I am willing to submit to any further testing at the moment.  I think that it is the Hubby's turn.  It should be his turn.  I mean are they going to send us to a fertility specialist that we can't pay for?  Are they going to do the testing?  Why am I on a time line?  Why did I sign up for this?  

The end result will be good.  If we ever get to the end.  But, excuse me while I sit over here and be upset over the fact that it is so easy for some and not for me.  Pardon me while, I judge someone in not so secret.  I get it this won't be the hardest part, but actually it is.  This is the hardest part of it all, sure labor is probably hard and difficult, but this sucks.  This really really sucks.  Times infinity it sucks.  I am so tired of having to take tests to see when I am ovulating.  I am so tired of trying.  I just want to go back to normal.  I don't know if Hubby and I will ever know what normal means.  Okay, that is enough.  Have a good Valentine's day.  Send some love to someone who needs it!

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