Monday, January 19, 2015

Testing, Testing, 1. 2. 3. I'm tired of this

Another year has come and gone, (if you are counting for months wise we are almost out of the running to have a baby in 2015 too.) and the holidays are now over.  I have never been so thankful to see Christmas come and go, mainly go.  I was not in the spirit for it this year.  I didn't have lots of money, and I didn't have a little person so it made them so not fun.

Have you ever thought about what life would be like when you neared 30?  I'm sure that you have.  I am sure that it looked a lot different that you imagined it.  I am sure that you dream it differently.  I for one have dreamed it much different.  Some of it is the same, but some of it is not.

What's the same... Married, Puppies, house, car, freinds.

What's different...

Career: I thought that I would be a teacher by now.  As my current career move will allow me to do so, I am no longer so far off.  How far can this job take me?  Im not sure.  But I am willing to go as far as I need to.  

Where I live: So I dreamed that I would live some place where we get a lot of snow.  I love snow.  I love the beach.  So I guess that VA is an okay place to be because we have snow, I'd just like some more.

Babies: Yep, thought that I would have at least one by now.  And I really thought that this entire process would be easier.  In being a human pin cushion I am able to get a blood draw on my own, without the hubby.  I no longer have as much anxiety about going to the dr, because I pretty much know that when I go there they are going to stick me.  

I just wish that I had an answer.  I feel like this is taking too much time.  I understand that I have this process that I have to follow, but honestly I don't know how much more of this "process" I can take.  The result is the same.  If this time doesn't work guess what I get??  More testing....  oh and the hubby gets to go get some testing done.  This is insane.  I am going crazy.  I try so hard not to think about it every waking second.  There are so many people pregnant at my daycare that I am wishing that there is something in the water.  I try not to give them weird glances.  And I am with kids all day so that is hard.  Honestly I just want another dog.  I know that I can have that, and I don't have to try and be tested and pray that it will work.  I can just find one and love it and squeeze it.  

Yeah it is just hard.  Wish me some more luck.  And here is to turing 30!

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