BCP Day One

Welcome, Welcome... To day one of a 21 day cycle.  Or rather I really don't know how long this will last.  I have been instructed to take my BCP (Birth Control Pills) at night, because they make me crazy.  How exciting.  Damn!

Shady Grove makes you take all these online courses.  Today we had a course on the entire process.  Which is very informative, but there was one thing...  Elective Termination on multiples.  Pump.  The. Breaks.  Mischa and I had to pause the video.  My heart broke.  To think that you went all this way, and you ended up with more than 2 babies, so you "Terminate" one, how do you pick?  Then you are very likely to lose the other babies.  I understand that the risks are very high.  But, I am not sure that when I finally get pregnant I could pick one to Terminate.  The video goes on to explain how this is done, by injecting potassium into the embryo.. or by that point fetus.  I just can't.

I don't care what side of the coin you are on, but I just can't.  To think that you get to that part and they want you to just get rid of one.  How does anyone decide this?  

So much is changing with this Fertility clinic, I will be on BCP for 21 days.  I was never on it that long before.  Also I don't see where I will have any PIO (Progesterone in Oil Shots).  I don't see where they will be ordered or in the schedule that is sent to me.  I also have to take a lot of things on my own.  The nurse will order my meds, but I have to contact the pharmacy for payment and delivery.  The other pharmacy contacted me before, so this is really weird.  I don't even know that pharmacy that I am supposed to contact.  Our insurance controls it all.  

I am less nervous.  Even though that video was pretty scarring.  They pretty much tell you everything that can go wrong, and then that you can get a baby out of it.  One of the other things that I am worried about: Our baby has a higher percentage of being born early and with a low birth weight.  Dang it.  Those are things that I don't want.  But, I guess I really don't have a choice over that part.

I am not going to worry.  I am going to try and get through this and be positive about it.  I told many people today that I get to be "normal" for 21 more days... or until the 29th.  But, really that isn't true.  I have a mock embryo transfer scheduled for next week.  And then I think that I have to schedule a few more things.  I have to schedule this.  Which is weird, it was all done for me last time.  What if I forget?  What if I miss something?  I just wish the nurse would do it for me.  It's time to put on the big girl pants on and deal with it!  Love and Baby Dust!