The feeling of falling apart is something that I have been walking on the edge of for sometime. I want to say that I am happy, I am not depressed (that I know of), I am secure in my marriage, sometimes I want to pull my hair out at my job (don't we all)...
But, I am coming unglued. Things that I want so bad, I can't seem to have. Beyond that people lie, and beyond that family is the biggest culprit!
It is a fact: people lie!
If they say that they don't lie, they are lying. They say that they want to spend more time with you... on their terms. You ask them a question, they ignore you. Seriously, I am not trying to know every grave detail of your life, I just ask simple things. I guess that I need to stop expecting answers.
Another Fact: People that say they are "trying to have a baby" are already pregnant.
However, this does not apply to me! Yeah, you all think that you are being slick... you are so not. I mean come on... it can't be as simple as saying, "We are open for business again" and then by "magic" you are pregnant. If that is the case I would have 2 kids and life would be grand. I wouldn't be struggling, I wouldn't be going crazy. I wouldn't want to write all about this...
Fact 3: My job blows
As much as I like my job, it blows. This time or year without fail I am laid off. I have afternoon work, but it does not pay the bills. Am I the only one that panics? My boss does not seem to want to make something happen fast. Knowing that I like the school that I was working at, knowing that there is a small possibility that I could stay there. Knowing that this is my full time job, and I don't work other places. I mean come on. When I took this job, I said that I would only leave my other job if I was promised work. However, this is school year two where I am home in the day time. What the hell?!?!?! Hubber finished school, and is looking for a new job, but no one has called him either.
Fact 4: Just because you have a college degree, does not mean you will get hired when you graduate.
Here is something that you are told from the moment that you enter into higher education, once you graduate the possibilities are endless: this is the biggest LOAD OF SHIT that you will be told in your college career. That piece of paper does not mean you will land a job. It just means that you are teachable and moldable as an adult. That you are willing to do what it takes to get the job done. That is all that it means. Don't you wish that you would have saved all that money?? Yeah, me too. Oh yeah, It also won't mean that you will make more money. Cause some places that you work will not give you a raise...
Fact 5: (and the last one cause I like odd numbers) People will hate you, family members included.
This is something that we all have to get used to. And I used the word hate, because I mean it. People will hate you. Not just dislike, they will hate. You will walk into a room and their face will drop. They will give you fake hugs and make nice when needed, but all the while they could give two shits about you. They will know your struggles and they will laugh at them. No, they are not heartless, they just enjoy your pain. If they say they don't they are also lying. And family will make the biggest deal about this. They will not offer help. They know, and if they pretend they don't know... guess what they are lying.
I have done a lot of venting. I am trying to find some happy to the blog. It is making me feel better. But, it is hard to be happy when you can control things around you. I ask that as you are reading this that you pray. Yeah, I said a lot of bad words here, but I still believe in the power of a prayer. So pray for me... and keep reading :D