I wanted to post to answer everyone who has been asking about the appointment on Tuesday. I know that a lot of you have been asking me and I haven't answered, sorry I am spinning right now. I'm trying to catch up. I'll get there, I promise.
On Tuesday the 23rd, Hubby and I went down to UVA (actually it's the Martha Jefferson, which is on the backside of Charlottesville near Pan Top Mountain, near where we went to get our Boxer Baby...Charlottesville...Oh Charlottesville...), I didn't think to call my OBGYN before my appointment, (Okay, I keep asking myself over and over again why I didn't I could have saved myself some tears.. Okay really a melt down, but you get the point) we are just about there when I am in a little panic, because I don't actually know if we are headed in the right direction. Hubby says too late now... we did go to the right place. When we arrive they are busy, a office full of people (Hubby and I go to the same place for our tests, he could have his, I have to wait for a certain cycle day, yet again another thing my OBGYN has refused to tell me, why haven't I learned my lesson?!?!?!?!?), we are 3rd in line. 10 minutes before our appointment and 3rd in line... the people ahead of us are slow. I think to myself we are going to miss this, I don't want to miss this, I was able to finally talk the Hubby into this and we are here please don't let me miss it. We get up to the window and it feels like freaking forever...like a year has passed since we walked in. The lady (who was by the way, extremely nice. I have had horrible not nice people lately, it was refreshing to have someone be nice!!), asks my name, I tell her that the appointment is not for me, but for my Hubby and give his name. She says, you need to fill out these forms and Hubby needs ID, insurance card and copy for the orders from the doctor. To which I explain that I asked that they be faxed here.
The lady at the desk pulls up Hubby's file and says no they are not here... this is where I feel like the wind has been sucked out of my body. I ask if she is sure, and she says that she will check the fax que. The lady at the desk asks my name, which I give to her as I bite my lip to try not to fall apart. Hubby is trying to tell me, breathe it's okay. And all I can think is we are not getting the test done today. Lady at the desk says they are not here, your file is here but no orders....
I tell her, really?? and then I ask it again, and tell her I'm sorry I have had so much trouble with my OBGYN and I am going to cry...
Hubby goes into whatever he does when I fall apart, which is to get me away from whatever it is as fast as I can get it there. (Let's just be honest when I have a melt down, it's a mess. I'm not quiet, I have snot every where. Everyone can hear me. It is embarrassing, it is not pretty. I really try not to, but I can't help it.) Lady at the desk, again with the niceness says, it's okay we can do the test but you can't know the results till we get the orders. To be honest I didn't hear much of this. Not even a little bit, Hubby had to tell me, cause once I go into melt down mode I could sign my life away and not really know it. I go grab a card as instructed by the lady at the desk (who told me this about 10 times), and I have a seat. I'm trying not to make this bigger than it is. Hubby comes over and hands me paper work, and then says calm down in the nicest way he can without seeming to be frustrated with me. I calm enough to do paper work, and then him telling me that the test can still be done.
When he hands back his paper work, Hubby is instructed where to go and what to do. I walk with him, I'm still on edge, I could still break. I don't go into the room with Hubby, and I don't help him out. Crying while he does what he needs to do, is not a good thing. I walk out of the hospital and I decide that I am going to call them. I also decide in my short walk, that I am going to switch OBGYN for good. I am done with them. I also decide to call and leave a really awful message. I blame them for everything. I always have to leave a message. I don't expect a call back. Why should I get one, I never get a call back. They never treat me well, to them I am just a young woman who will eventually get pregnant and make them money. I have decided that yes, I will eventually get pregnant, but I will not make them any money. I will not use them. I explain that I need to orders, that you never faxed them, that you never give me the right number and I am left on my own to do all of this.
2 hours later I get a call back. I get a promise that as we are talking she is sending the orders. I do not act happy on the phone. I don't pretend that it is all okay. But, I don't speak up like I really should. I'm still on the edge of a complete melt down, and I don't want to have one outside the comfort of my home.
So...
The results take 3 to 5 days...
The results were done on Friday...
I don't know them, my OBGYN still did not send the orders....
They know them, they were sent to my OBGYN on Friday....
I was not able to call, I went to work when they came off lunch...
They were on lunch when I wasn't at work....
I have to call them on Monday and try to get them...
I have to hope that the specialist makes appointments on the weekends, so that I can go...
I still feel like the world is preventing me from this...
I'm sorry that I don't have time to care about what is in the news, good, bad, or netural. I can't do it, I won't do it. I will watch cartoons, and write my blogs and hope that there is still some hope in me.
29 days from today I will be 30. I do not feel like I am any closer to my goal then when I started this month of June and goals.
Currently I am feeling defeated. I really want to go and yell and scream and punch someone in the face at the doctors. I don't want to deal with them any more. Please, Please, Please, send me good JuJu, and prayers, and whatever it is to make a good thing for me!!!!
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