(This is from Postsecret, if you have never read the book or looked at you are missing out. I'm sure that this one will be about me one day. Sorry, not sorry!)
Today, I didn't intend to sit down and write this blog about babies or IVF. The thought in my mind was actually going to be about dogs. But, with the time that I have been having, it was there, and sometimes damnit, my fingers do the talking.
I promise you that I am an ordinary person, I am not peculiar, I don't have magic powers (even though I think that my Hogwarts letter is extremely late), but, when I take Birth Control Pills (B.C.P) I feel like a deranged woman. My wonderful hubs refers to it as this: Evil unhappy Crystal. I can't help it. Sometimes I think that if I just be quiet people will stop talking to me, or they will stop trying to change my mood, in which I CANNOT control. However, they go on and on non-stop and expect me to not be irritated. Ugg, remember that I can't control it, and if I randomly till you to shut up, it is because that is the ONLY thing nice that is going to come from me.
You see what people don't understand... is that I get all crazy, to become that crazy pregnant woman. And when things don't go my way, which already bugs me, I get really really angry. I really like to be in control, at least of something, because lord knows that I can't be in control of this crazy baby journey.
(The above was written on Saturday, and now continued, in I'm sure a different way of going on Tuesday.)
So, I found out on Saturday that I have to inject Lupron daily. Not just once a week, so I had a minor freak out, and was really grouchy all day. My Hubs is thankfully, really good at giving shots, so I'm not going to worry about the pain right now. Also, my shots cost me $180, because my Insurance doesn't cover any compounds. I would also kindly like to stop taking birth control.
I'm trying to take this one day at a time. Trying not to worry about an outcome or the shots, or anything. It is a lot harder than you think. I am in a state of worry. I worry that we waited too long to try to have babies, I worry that we won't be good parents, I worry and worry. And worrying is not my thing, it is actually something that my grandma does the best. I need to leave the worrying to her and just pray to God for the rest of it.
Love and Baby Dust!!!