I have just wrote about half a blog and deleted it all. Sometimes those thoughts are not meant to come out just yet.
I am stuck. Mentally, stuck. I have come to a point in this process where I don't know how to handle myself in certain situations. I cannot break down the wall and figure it out. For that I may need some therapy one day. But, for right now I'm just trying to push through. Or, I am trying to learn how to push through.
The only thing that I really know how to do is to hide, in my house. You would think that I was really good at hide and seek at a child. But, I was awful at it. I would give myself away because I would start laughing the minute that someone came near me.
I had all sorts of points in this blog, but none of them seem to be materializing. I could start over, but that seems like a waste. Let me try again....
I have a hard time knowing that people are pregnant (there is the point of my blog). I don't know what to do with myself. For the longest time I would just try to think "oh your time is coming" (meaning me not them). But, now I just can't help but be sad. Sad, because I don't know when my time is coming. And sad because the years don't stop coming.
I am also having a hard time right now because after our 2nd IVF cycle and coming down from the IVF meds I began to lose my hair. At first it wasn't that bad, and the weather was getting cooler so I thought that might have something to do with it. I do shed more in the cooler months than in the summer. But, it go worse. Much worse after stopping all medications. For example, if I try to curl my hair there is not enough thickness to get it to curl. Other places, my hair brush, the shower, and having to sweep the floor. :( It is not a thing that I know how to do. I have always had lots and lots of hair.
I know that many people lose their hair, I understand I get it. But, I don't know how to deal with all these things coming at me at one time. I don't know if there is a way to figure it out.
In other news; Hubs and I started the Paleo diet on Wednesday the 18th. And if our scale is right I have lost 4lbs and he has lost about 6lbs. Today is the only day that I have had a craving. I want some pop corn. I might give in and have it for a snack tonight. But, I might be good and not. Just wait one more day for my foot ball game. For now I'll leave you with love and baby dust.