Saturday, January 21, 2017


I have just wrote about half a blog and deleted it all.  Sometimes those thoughts are not meant to come out just yet.  

I am stuck.  Mentally, stuck.  I have come to a point in this process where I don't know how to handle myself in certain situations. I cannot break down the wall and figure it out.  For that I may need some therapy one day.  But, for right now I'm just trying to push through.  Or, I am trying to learn how to push through.

The only thing that I really know how to do is to hide, in my house.  You would think that I was really good at hide and seek at a child.  But, I was awful at it.  I would give myself away because I would start laughing the minute that someone came near me.  

I had all sorts of points in this blog, but none of them seem to be materializing.  I could start over, but that seems like a waste. Let me try again....

I have a hard time knowing that people are pregnant (there is the point of my blog).  I don't know what to do with myself.  For the longest time I would just try to think "oh your time is coming" (meaning me not them).  But, now I just can't help but be sad.  Sad, because I don't know when my time is coming.  And sad because the years don't stop coming.   

I am also having a hard time right now because after our 2nd IVF cycle and coming down from the IVF meds I began to lose my hair.  At first it wasn't that bad, and the weather was getting cooler so I thought that might have something to do with it. I do shed more in the cooler months than in the summer. But, it go worse.  Much worse after stopping all medications.  For example, if I try to curl my hair there is not enough thickness to get it to curl.  Other places, my hair brush, the shower, and having to sweep the floor. :( It is not a thing that I know how to do.  I have always had lots and lots of hair.  

I know that many people lose their hair, I understand I get it.  But, I don't know how to deal with all these things coming at me at one time.  I don't know if there is a way to figure it out.  

In other news; Hubs and I started the Paleo diet on Wednesday the 18th.  And if our scale is right I have lost 4lbs and he has lost about 6lbs.  Today is the only day that I have had a craving.  I want some pop corn.  I might give in and have it for a snack tonight.  But, I might be good and not.  Just wait one more day for my foot ball game.  For now I'll leave you with love and baby dust.

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