Disclaimer: I am not trying to be funny about this, nor am I claiming that I know everything about being Bipolar. I am not Bipolar, but I think that I am around many people that are. It is a struggle and I believe people who have it need to seek help.
What I wouldn't give to have some consistency. I do not enjoy going in and things being different from one day to another. I am a pretty flexible person, I can do different jobs, that is not the problem. Rules changing day in and day out, I cannot handle that. I also cannot handle feeling like I am doing something wrong or harming a child and no one telling me.
In the past week I have gone from.... having my own room, helping another teacher, promised that I will have my own room, almost being sent home (not even the middle of the day), being asked if I have a college degree (yes), asked for a copy, then being told that I would be considered for lead teacher and other opportunities, being sent home early after I have said that I need to work, being called and having my schedule changed, and finally in that call being told that I would be sharing my room with someone else.
I CANNOT HANDLE THIS!!!!
Maybe I don't understand. I worked in a school, that seemed pretty simple. I worked directly with teachers and the principal. The principal told me that she would hire me there if a position ever became available. I did great work.... and now I am down to this. I don't get it. I am great with kids. I can bond with the difficult ones, and I work really hard to help them succeed!
Now this, daily it is something different. You are not paying enough attention, you don't know how to do that, you need trained. PUMP THE BREAKS!!! I was NEVER trained. I read a book, and then everything I have been doing has been something that someone who works there has told me to do. You don't have training. I got diaper trained by reading a paper.... AND you want me to work off the clock?? Um I don't get paid enough on the clock, why would I work off the clock??? I'm not, not now not ever. If that makes me a bad teacher so be it. If it is ever said that I hurt a child, I will walk off the job. I have never EVER hurt a child, and I never will.
This line of work is not for me. I thought that it was, but clearly I am not cut out for it. I love kids, but I don't love this. I'm almost 30 years old and I had to learn the hard way that this will not work for me. I have no benefits, no time off, no nothing. Not even job security. I need something different. I also need 2 weeks on the beach with no cell phone and no care in the world. I'll settle for a weekend at the lake with puppies.
So that's it, if you are confused you know how I feel. That is how I feel daily. I hope to have it chang. Pray that good things come my way!