14 shots in, and still more to come. As many of you know I have been on BCP since the day after we got back from FL. They make me wonky and they help me to have no filter. I had to take them until the 5th of July. Then if the process goes, I am supposed to get another period. (Ugg lets chalk that up to #2!! Puck you mother nature.) I knew that it would take a few days, you can't stop your BCP and then magic happens. But when Saturday rolled around, and "Aunt Flo" didn't rear her ugly head, I got concerned. I called the Dr. but because it is not an emergency I had to wait until Monday to call. Which let me just tell you that RE office's on a Monday are hell, and they DO not call you back. Till the end of the day.
So Tuesday I high tailed it down to UVA, with just barely any signs of "Aunt Flo." Praying that I was dreaming and that this wasn't happening. But, low and behold.
Dr. Smith; who is my favorite, I cannot tell you enough good things about her. She is just the best. Dr. Smith looks at my left ovary... 11 follicles! YES!!! Mind you by this time in my room, is me, the hubs, the nurse to take my blood, Nurse Bonnie, Dr. M (an intern assistant), and Dr. Smith. I am a little overwhelmed with that amount of people looking at my lady parts. But, whatever, I have 11 follies on one side; Happy Dance!!
And then Dr. Smith pans to the right side... and she goes there it is.
One of the reasons that I like Dr. Smith is because she doesn't sugar coat anything. There is no quiet whispering between me and my hubs. She doesn't just talk to my Hubs like Dr. Bateman does and she doesn't rush me like Dr. Williams. And like all the oxygen has left my body, Dr. Smith pans the synogram screen towards me, and says there is the reason that you are not having a period. A 15 in size cyst. Damnit. But then, like that magic that she is and the happiness that she holds she and Nurse Bonnie decided that they need to exam my uterus and notice that I have a thin lining, which that I think that Nurse Bonnie is gonna jump for joy over. And Dr. Smith says that it is beautiful. Dr. Smith pans back to my right ovary and counts that I have 7 follicles. 17 total. I can feel the air coming back to me. Dr. Smith explains, which I am so glad that the Hubs is paying attention, that if the cyst is not estrogen producing then we can proceed as planned. However, if it is producing estrogen I have to stop the shots, wait to cycle out and start again. Ugg, sent home to wait for a phone call. Or better yet, sent to work to wait for a phone call.
When the RE's have good news or something that they want you to do right away, I generally get a call at about 1pm, sometimes 11am if I have been there by 8am. However, when they have bad news, they wait all day long. When we found out that we lost our baby birds, they waited until 2pm; our appointment was at 830 that day. Finally she called me at about 430... my level was 42. Everything could move forward as planned. Thank you!!!!
I have to say in IVF, it is a roller coaster, you are never out of the woods, there is always something that can come up. You just think that you will be able to grow your follies, and then have them taken from you, and then returned back to you. It isn't that simple. No cycle is ever the same. Your body can be in a different place with another cycle. I am trying to relax and not stress, but some of that cannot be helped. It's easy to say to be happy, it is much different to actually be happy.
You also have to teach yourself to be humble. You have to realize that you have to watch all your friends become parents and realize that you will be the older parent. You have to hug your furbabies and be thankful that they are easy to come by, but realized that you don't live on a farm, so you can't have a dozen furbabies. You give up a lot. You have to fund your baby making, and so you give up going out to eat, or going to the movies, or buying clothes or whatever. You wish you would have saved. But, you really didn't know that you would need it. And then people begin telling you what to do, how to get pregnant, how to spend your money, how you are wasting it, how you don't need this and that. And you don't have a filter because you are on all these crazy drugs, and they just keep pushing you and you aren't sure where your limits fall. Or you just want to come in and do your work and think about work things, but someone just keeps fueling your fire and you are not sure how much of it you can handle. And you hope beyond hope that you can keep your mouth shut until you can get in your car at the end of the day. But, it never ends up that way. And you just want to spend a day on the couch curled up with you pups, and you don't want any of the phones to ring and you just want to get through your show without some reference to babies. You try to be happy and positive and then it all changes, cause you just don't know how far you can take it. But, you know that the end result will be the most amazing thing in the world and you just have to bite your tongue and hope that you can get there without having a major melt down. So, until Monday when my next appointment comes.... Love and Baby Dust!
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