Thursday, September 1, 2016

The little things....

So this post isn't about IVF per say.  It is more about infertility.  There are many things that happen during this process.  You think that you know and really you just don't.  I don't want to call out anyone that is on this journey.  I really hope that I am not in this post.  I am so glad that many of you are reaching out to me.  I want you to know that I am here for you, in whatever way.  If it is someone to lean on, I'm here.  If you need to talk to me once and not again, that is fine too.  Know that I will not give up on you.  

Any ways...  Recently there has been a great deal of hate in the infertility world.  

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To be fair, no one said that it was going to be sunshine and butterflies.  We all know this, this is the risk that we take.  However, when you decide that you want to be apart of the story when you want to be in that community.  When you finally get the courage to share, you want to be embraced by others in this community.  I'm not really sure how it happened.  I am not sure where these ladies come from.  But, really if you are reading this, and you are going to hate on this, STOP.  Stop right now.  

Not one of us, not a single one are not struggling.  The process of infertility is a struggle.  Some of them are different.  Some are in phase where you just don't want to face life, and others are just in this happy place because they have success.  (In case you are curious, I am in this middle phase where I don't know what to feel and I really can't handle being around babies.  Anyone under the age of 3 is just hard for me.  And I have tried really hard... but for lack of a better phrase "The Struggle is REAL.")  But, I don't care who you are, I don't care where you are in this, I don't want the hate.  

We should not be telling each other how to feel, or that we should stop acting one way.  This is not a time for you word vomit to present itself.  This is also not a time to tell someone how you got pregnant.  Once you get to the other side, you don't get to turn.  You don't get to not be supportive.  You walked into this.  You don't get to leave.  
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We all know that women can be down right mean, catty, and evil; among other things.  But, I am really saddened by some things that I have seen recently.  

I have learned that this journey will make you lose some friends.  When I was keeping this all in, I got so angry that I would just say things.  I also forgot to take care of myself.  I forgot things that I needed to be a decent human being.  To not go ape shit crazy on people.  I tried to make amends, I tried to forgive, I tried to let myself be forgiving, I took the blame.  But, what happens is people get mad and they move on.  It is hard, I hated it, I still hate it.  I wish that I could fix it, but somethings are impossible to fix.

You will offend, piss off, and hurt EVERYONE!!!!  Sometimes you can help it, and sometimes you can't.  Sometimes people think that you are talking about them and you aren't.  Sometimes you are just talking, and sometimes you really mean it.  It is hard, because if you keep it bottled in, it will be worse than if you just say it.  You don't know what to do with yourself and that is the truth.  You say sorry so many times.  Keep saying it, try not to be offensive, just try to be honest.

I cannot say this enough but, find something that makes you really happy.  Like not just a little bit happy, and talking over the moon over joyed happy.  Do it.  Do it a lot.  Because there are going to be many times when you don't know if you can keep going, and there are going to be times when you think if you have to take one more pill, get one more needle stick, or have to see one more pregnancy announcement that isn't yours, you might just drive somewhere and NEVER come back.  You need that happy.  You need to do that happy, trust me on this.

Sometimes people will walk out of your life.  You won't know why, you won't know when.  But you have to let them.  You cannot make the move to stop them, you have to just let them be.  I understand that this sounds crazy.  However, you will wear yourself out chasing after them.  And you need to keep yourself rested.  I know that if you are just starting your journey and you are reading this, that this will be hard.  But, really trust me.  Let them walk away.  You are going to find out everything.  Who your true friends are, who in your family loves you.  If you have ever doubted anything, you will learn.  

You will also become closer to your spouse or partner.  But the thing is, if you are not married to that person, I am not sure why you are partaking in such a big thing.  It is a hard thing that you will go through.  But, that person, is who you choose to do it with.  Keep choosing them.

I guess that I am just full of advice right now.  I'm not sure.  But, I know that they hate hast to stop.  The encouragement needs to keep on going.  Don't forget that.  Love and Baby Dust.

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